It had been agreed upon months ago that my son would spend Christmas at his Mom's this year. A couple of weeks ago when we were discussing specifics, I offered his entire break to her since they see so little of one another meaning our Christmas together will occur January 5th.
I get a phone call Saturday morning saying she and our son have an opportunity to travel 2000 miles to go skiiing. I said great, when? She said leaving December 26th - January 2nd. Of course I was surprised at how sudden this was and inquired how such a trip materialized.
She indicated she had been seeing someone who was very wealthy and he was flying them both to his home for the week. She went on to say they were just friends who had been out a couple of times but she has known him for 4 years. They are in the same business travel circle.
When I paused, she said his house is 9000 square feet so son and I will have our own bedroom which will almost be like being alone. I asked her if I could think about it and get back to her. More on that in a moment.
First, I didn't know she had ended things with the OM that was the key player during our divorce. Secondly, this would explain why she needed distancing from me under the disguise of needing to figure things out. I have been hopeful that as she weened herself away from the emotional connection established with OM, it would open the door for us to move forward. This behavior of starting to date someone new opens my eyes to the fact that our chances have been practically eliminated.
Back to the trip.....I called her Sunday morning only to get voicemail. I explained the trip was not a good idea for our son. Considering she had only dated this guy a couple of times, had never been in his home enviornment.....it would be uncertain what our son would be exposed to. I also expressed that the first time our son was to meet a new man in her life, it was wise she make sure the man would be more of a permanent fixture before doing so. The first time shouldn't be a week long sleepover.
I told her I agreed to the extended visit so she could enjoy some quality time with our son. I suggested the opportunity to travel was a great opportunity for her and if she really wanted to go, our son could come back home early. I mentioned we probably should have discussed this before our son knowing about it but given we didn't I would be the bad guy and tell him he couldn't go. No return call ever made!
I called Monday morning. She asked what I wanted and I told her to discuss my message from the previous day. She indicated she did not receive a message but now was a bad time to discuss it because she was trying to spend quality time with our son. That was pretty funny....indicating she had really got the message.
Later in the afternoon she called and left me a message saying she was going to respect my concerns.....hmmm.....I thought she hadn't heard what they were......and not make the trip. She said she would never put our son in harms way and would not have even considered this trip if she weren't confident he would be safe. She completely ignored the emotional effects it could have posed.
After hearing her message, I texted her a thank you for understanding. I get the following response. "You are a selfish person. I had an opportunity to give our son something he has always wanted and can't now because of you.....Merry Christmas!"
So folks.....two things working here. The new man and what that means if anything.......and did I do the right thing as a father and does it make me selfish?
