I think I'm done

[ms ladybug]

I think it's pretty much over. H came over today to paint the kids room. I made a nice dinner when he was here and got everyone at the table. So, I go ask him if he's going to eat with us. He responds with, "go away." Later, after the kids go to bed, he tells me that he's done with me. He doesn't care anymore. He walks out the door, starts to lock the door, then opens it back up and tells me, "Don't get me anything for Christmas, because I'm not getting you anything, and I'm not filling your stocking this year." Then leaves. I'm sitting on the couch, nursing the baby, completely dumb struck, and say nothing. Just yesterday, he asks me if I want jewelry for Christmas and tells me that he hopes we fill each others stockings this year like we do every year.

Oh, and a side note, the whole time he was here painting, he was texting back and forth to his female co-worker who is "nice to him, and expects nothing from him". She expects nothing from him and he likes that! Well, damn, he's not the father of two of her kids, of course she expects nothing from him!

So, like I said, I'm sitting on the couch, nursing the baby, and crying. And I think, "what the hell am I doing?" I don't deserve this. I'll own up to all my mistakes that contributed to our marriage problems, but I can't allow myself to be treated like crap. I deserve better than this. I mean, he can't even put a slinky in my stocking?

I'll wait till the new year, but I've got the name and number of a really good lawyer.

[Ntrain02]

Wow. That is pretty gutsy of someone to be doing something soo childish. Texting another women while helping his wife at home. Thats not right at all. Sorry to hear that he is soo mean, especially when you're already down.

My wife has been doing the samething where she says mean things. Ok Im already kicked down because she wants a divorce and being mean on top of it? Seriously is there any kind of compassion between people that are "supposed" to love each other? Sometimes I dont get life.

I just want to let you know that I feel your pain and I know exactly how you feel. I am here in the same boat. I know if we all help each other we'll somehow make it. I promise. Just know that what you're doing is for the better. You're not texting and saying mean things. You're the better person. You'll thank yourself someday for doing the right thing.

Hang in there!

[ms ladybug]

I think what I'm upset about most is the loss of the man I married. Not the man he has become, but the one I married. I have a company Christmas party tonight and I really wanted him to come, of course he said, "no". But, thinking about it...we probably would have had a lousy time out together anyway. What I wanted was the man I married to come with me to this party. And...I often forget that he doesn't exist anymore. I still think he'll come back, but I need to realize that that's not likely.

[cat03]

Step out from his emotional crazed rollercoaster, this man has shown nothing but contempt and anger. You are right, this isn't the man you married, I lost the man I married to, those men will never come back.
Look at him as one looks at a weird specimen, he has become one vile man who is jerking you around one day and being half decent the next. Do not hang on to everything he says, don't get your expectations sky high when he shows a nice gesture (jewelry for xmas). Take EVERY thing with a grain of salt.
This man needs a good therapist and lots of help, in the meantime, shorten the amount you talk to him, he is so toxic he is tearing you down, dont' let it happen, no decent man would do to you what he is doing now.

[Kimmie Lee]

(((ms ladybug)))

I don't get the cruelty either.

Hope you go to the party anyway, that's what I've been doing. I go out with friends for a drink and force myself to enjoy it as best I can. I think it will get easier.

[ms ladybug]

I did go to the Christmas party. I brought D4 with me. I had to cross h's name off the list and write hers in, but we had a really nice time. H was really mad that I took her (I work in a really bad part of town), but there was a lot of people there, and security was there. There was also no drinking, so people didn't get stupid. It was a nice dinner spent with my daughter.

We (all 4 of us) went to see Santa yesterday to get the kids annual Santa picture. Surprisingly, it wasn't too bad. Although h asked me for the phone # of a business, and I accidently transposed the numbers, and when he hung up with the wrong #, he turns to me and says, "thanks for screwing that up for me!" Like I meant to give him the wrong #. He was just calling somewhere to see if our vaccum cleaner was fixed yet. So, I apoligized and he asked me to take him home. So, we had to leave the mall. Luckily the kids had already seen Santa, so they didn't care. I know D4 picks up on all this though.
Anyway, that evening, h came over to finish painting, and we were pretty civil. Strange thing though, he was still painting when I went to bed. Then, I woke up at 5am because the bathroom light in our bedroom was on. Then, still half asleep, I see h come over to the bed, arrange the pillows on his side, and then leave the house. What he was doing in our room at 5am, I have no idea. And, he couldn't have been painting all night. I think he probably fell asleep on the couch, decided to come to bed when he woke up, and found the baby sleeping next to me, and left (he hates that I let the baby sleep in our bed when he wakes up a million times at night, and I'M the one who has to go down the hall the get him back to sleep...but that's another story!)

Anyways, he's back to work for the next 4 days, so we'll likely be out of each others way. He did remind me last night that he isn't getting me anything for Christmas. Like I need the reminder. Like somehow I would have forgot that. I will fill his stocking although it will be pretty pitiful having everyone open their stockings while mine still hangs on the fireplace empty.

[cat03]

hope you had a good Christmas anyways)))))))))) gifts are just stuff, I don't look forward to gifst that much anymore, only to see my kids smiles, so dont' sweat the stocking stuff, just focus on your kids' happy faces.

[kaycie]

Ms Ladybug~ Hi I am new here and I just read a bit about your sitch. That really sucks, I don't understand how some people say the things they will in efforts to push us away, and that Is wha I believe it was an effort to push you away or cause you to lash out and therefore provide justification for him in his head that what he is doing is warranted. BTDT... sucks...

[Patrick325]

I am convinced that the MLCer's are actually aliens that have taken over the bodies of our loved ones. Everyone told me not to believe 50% of what they say and it is true. Just remeber that they are really not angry with you. They are mad at the whole world because they are miserable. They may latch on to one person but it's not usually someone that really cares about them. Hang on, they have moments of sanity and hopefully one day they will recover. Just don't let them walk all over you. Cooly let them know your boundaries and don't argue or fight. It's tough but you will be suprised the things you can do if you have to.

[ms ladybug]

Yesterday was about as heartbreaking (and telling) as I expected. He came over the night before so he could wake up with everyone. So, the next morning the kids got up and all excited because Santa came and filled their stockings. So, we get up and EVERYONE gets down their stockings, execpt me. They all unwrap and get excited. Then D4 tells me. "Mommy, look in you stocking. See what Santa got you! Get your stocking down mommy, let's see what you got". I looked at h for help, and he said, "mommy will look in her stocking later." I wanted to cry. For 34 years, I've had stocking gifts, first from my mom (Santa), then from h. I know it sounds childish, but I'm crying right now.
Then, we start breakfast and h gets all mad at me, because I didn't mop the floors the night before, and we're expecting family in 1hr. I don't want to go into all the details of the arguement, but it didn't make for a happy Christmas morning. Reality set in for me...Christmas morning, with 2 excited children, there can't be love and happiness in our home.
I don't think he talked to me for the rest of the day, and he didn't come with us to my dad's for dinner.

He send me an email about 3 days before saying how much he loved me, and wanted our marriage to work. He wants to be able to love me, etc...
I want so much to believe him, but he doesn't show me love, and I don't want to live like this, or display this to my kids.

Before he left yesterday he hugged the kids, and D4 asked him, "Daddy, why don't you live with us anymore?" That's the first time she's acknowledged the sep. Merry Chirtmas...