A lot of what you've described is my bf to a T. He made a pantry for me in my kitchen about three years ago and never put the trim on it (and never will, I'll bet). He has cluttered up my yard with garden stuff, and like yourH, he doesn't bother to look for what he already has in the mess, he just buys new stuff. His house is evidence of this.
Honey, these men are NOT going to change. (Makes me glad I'm not married to mine, because I'm not in the middle of it the way you are.) Beating your head against this particulare brick wall will only give you a bloody head-- you've proved that it has no effect on him. It's a personality trait... yeah he could probably bring all of his effort to bear and change some of it, but from his pov, why should he?
What do you mean he won't LET you do the grocery shopping??? What about your income from your job-- where does it go? The money issue is a problem. Money (IMHO) is a symbol of power and energy in a marriage. You must work out something about the money. I don't necessarily like the sound of "turning over his whole paycheck to me"-- that sounds very old fashioned. But do you have a joint checking account that he deposits his paycheck into? You need (again IMHO) a checking account for household expenses and both of you have access to, even if it means you only deposit part of your paychecks into it. The money issue is too big to go into here... but sandi, you've got to work with what you've got, not what you wish you had... you're going down the Famous Cheeseless Tunnel.
