Well each of her comments I think only make the problem worse. Ive tried to tell her that being snide and nasty back when were fighting doesnt solve anything it only makes things escalate. Ive tried to talk to her rationally but yes, she is much better at arguing than I am. I didnt come from a family that fought alot. We were mostly peaceful and when my parents did argue they did it in a loving, constructive way without snide sarcasm and ugliness. The only response I usually have is 'No im not playing games, im trying to tell you my perspective" or 'Im not keeping score, im just feeling like its kinda one sided lately.' or 'I do x,y,z for you and you dont even notice, or its become EXPECTED and I dont like to do it if its a condition for you to want me' She hasnt rubbed my feet really ever, but thats not really my thing anyways. She does cook, we share the cooking about 50-50. I usually do it on the weekends and she does it during the week as she gets home earlier than I do.
