My Story

[mako_man]

*This is also posted in Newcomers forum
I will try to keep this short, but thats gonna be tough. Met my wife on a blind date back in 95, we both fell madly in love and moved in together within 4 months. During that time I travelled weekly, but when I returned on Thursdays we would spend the entire weekend in bed, literally. She soon became pregnant, and told me she didnt want to be married while she was showing, I had to marry her or she was going to take a train back home. I took the bait knowing that I loved her anyway, it just didnt happen as I would have planned it. We married in 95, had our first child and we moved to Pittsburgh (Shes from Biloxi, MS). I continued to work with my company and became quite successful, we had another child in 98. Shortly after our second child I discovered she was having an affair with the bartender from the restaraunt she worked in. She took the kids and moved back to MS, I filed a motion to have my kids returned to Pittsburgh and I left the home, got an apartment. I began the process of paying CS ($1900/mo) at the courts order, within about 6 months I also started dating and meeting many women and was generally having a VERY good time. My initial begging and pleading turned to indifference and digust for this woman, she felt the wrath each time she contacted me. At the 9 month point in this seperation she contacted me asking for a quickie (it was 4am), blindly I took the bait and we ended up reconciling within 1 month. We saw a few marriage counselors but neither of us wanted to delve to deeply into the past, kinda swept it under the rug, she also admitted to another affair she was having prior to the one she got caught in. I blew it off. All 3 counselors informed me that my wife has Bipolar II, and one specifically said she has either Borderline or Histrionic personality disorder. I blew this off as well. So now we are in our second honeymoon, things are GREAT, we buy a new house have another child and are generally happy, never fighting, sex is awesome and frequent we are having fun together. She takes a trip (this is 2002) down to see her parents and apparently hooks up with an old boyfriend (Clayton), she tells me she is not sure but she may be in love with him, he is a recovering oxycontin addict. Shortly after that she shows up one morning at 6am not knowing where she is. She is drugged and explains that she thinks she was raped and shortly after gets an abortion. With things going so well this really blew me away, I considered D but somehow she pulled me back in. We ended up moving to Biloxi in 2004 and things were generally great but she isnt taking any meds for her illness, sometimes she is prescribed antidepressents like wellbutrin or celexa but she never stays on them. She has 2 more abortions within a 9 months span, she says they are mine and its her decision but my trust is now far gone so I dont even know which way is up. In Jun of 07 she comes home at 6:30am wasted, I find out from a mutual friend she was out with that Clayton (same guy from almost 6 years back), thats she thinks she may love him but knows its just an infatuation. She says this has been going on for 5 yrs! Initially she is so guilty that whenever she even tries to bring the subject up she runs to the bathroom to vomit. She loses 40 lbs, we start seeing a new counselor, this time taking it very seriously and he confirms the earlier diagnoses. She is placed on Seroquel, Klonopin, and Lexapro (later Effexor). She settles down a bit then decides to move out with the whole "I need space" speech. I file for divorce and a motion to get Primary Custody of my daughters, on a temp basis the judge awards a 50/50 split. I am devastated once again, and have just recently started a no contact process with her. I did the whole threatening, begging thing and it obviously pushed her away even more. We have been seperated 6 months and she is now seeing another old friend who is currently on parole for Cocaine dist, but has a long rap sheet. She sometimes brings this guy around my kids even at their adament request that she dont and obviously mine. At this point she claims to see no hope for us, too much damage but she also claims that she doesnt want a divorce but sees it as the only way. We did have sex about 6-7 times during this seperation, and there were times when she acknowledged that she wanted to finally make things right in this marriage, get the help she needs etc. Right now it seems hopeless. Our mutual C explains that the ONLY way this can work is she has to "put everything out on the table in joint counseling". He explains to me that from his earlier private sessions with her she has a "desperate love for me" and wants the same things I do. At this point I can say that I love her but I am prepared for a D, we are just in a waiting pattern with the courts, no date set yet. She feels that she is under constant pressure to make a decision RIGHT NOW but she is obviously stalling as well. I have read so much divorce stuff and so many forums and this has been the ONLY one out there that people seem like they have had any success with. I need help, getting the book today, but I need help to get my family back together.

*I should also note that our C is VERY pro marriage. I have also now read Divorce Busting, read it over Xmas.