Again, thanks for your interest and concern. Yes, my H does some things around the house to my satisfaction. Although, one of his worst habits is not finishing what he starts. If he is going to put baseboards around the room, paint, or whatever...in our house...he doesn't finish. He put primer on our house years ago but never got the paint on it. I could talk for hours about things he never finished!
He does keep the yard mowed during the summer months, plus he mows my mother's yard. He is very good to help wash dishes and things like that inside the house. I have not been physically able to do yard work in years, but I used to love working in the yard. I use to clean out the storage building every spring and try to organize the junk in there and have it looking pretty good (considering he wouldn't let me throw anything away), but then it would be right back to looking like it did before in just a matter of a few weeks, b/c he did not even try to keep it straighten. It doesn't have a door on the building, just a wide opening, so people can see inside of it and it looks bad. After I got Fibromyalgia I just couldn't do it anymore, plus it did no good.....I was wasting my time and killing myself.
He is a painter, so a lot of old paint bucketts tend to collect in the back yard and it is a real hassle to discard them b/c you can't just throw them out in the trash. They have to be completely cleaned and dried, etc. It is hard to find a place to discard house paint and almost all of the cans still have some paint left in them. But the main thing is his addiction to bringing home "junk" that he finds thinking it will be of some use someday. But, most of it is broken or just of not use. He spent $600 on a motor boat (and he never goes fishing!)and it did not run and he parked it out in the back yard and it hasn't moved an inch since the day he bought it, nor did he ever have it repaired so that it would run. He brought home an old hot tub or spa of some kind and dumped it out in the back yard. Of course it has never been installed and I don't think it even works. He has the top part of what was on his campter truck still out there. He has doors, old cabinet drawers, iron frames, sheet of plywood, tools, parts of all kinds, sheets of tin, ceiling fans, vacuum cleaners, car parts, tubs and tubs of things he has bought and never even taken out of the package. Like, door knobs, light sockets, parts, etc. Three vehicles that's not running, old grills......you name it and it's out there. I HAVE lived with it, but it gets worse as the years go by. It is the embarrasement that I can't live with. We have the worst looking yard in our neighborhood. Now the City is threatening to fine us......wouldn't that bother you to know your place looked that bad? The bad thing is that one of the City Board memebers live right in front of our house and I suspect he is the one that reported us to the City. I can't blame anyone......it is awful.
Whenever my H needs a part or nails or anything like that that we already have out in the storage building, he won't even attempt to try to dig his way through all that mess to look for it.....so he just goes buy new ones. Yet, he doesn't want me to throw any of that old stuff away! I spent an entire Saturday once organizing all his nails and bolt/nuts......and it was all in vain.
The paper stuff is about to take over our house. I've already explained that, so I won't go into it again. It's not that I couldn't do anything about that part....it's that he doesn't want me to touch it and gets mad if I throw it out.
I have tried to get him to let me take care of the bills, etc., but he won't. We finally had to get two checking accounts b/c he was driving me crazy b/c he wouldn't post the checks he wrote and we would get our account overdrawn. So, I bought both os us the checks that have the carbon copies of the ones you make out. So, now I have my bills and he takes care of his.
He won't even let me buy the groceries. This has been the biggest thing in my married life that has caused me frustration (outside of my MIL). I want to make out the menu and buy the groceries. And, you know most men don't buy groceries like women do.....so it has been a never ending battle. I get some things with my paycheck, but most of mine goes for medical purposes and my share of the bills. When I would try to talk to him about it and ask him why he wouldn't let me buy the groceries, he never would give me a satisfactory answer. The thing is, I have never had money to use carelessly. I have always watched our money carefully. I wanted to live on a budget, but he didn't. Yet, he acts like he doesn't trust me with his paycheck. I can't remember him ever turning his paycheck over to me to buy groceries or pay the bills in all the years we've been married. When I was still at home before I got married, my dad would turn his paycheck over to me to go into town and buy a week's supply of groceries and I was only 17 years old. So, what does that say? Apparently he thought I was pretty responsible! We are just different and he doesn't want to compromise about things. He finally told me one time after much pleading and begging and crying from me, that he would agree to give me so much money per week to buy groceries. I was so happy! B/c I had gotten to the place I did not enjoy trying to cook or plan anything. Well, it lasted two weeks and then he was back to the same old thing. He stops nearly every single day at the grocery store and picks up a few items. Most of it is snack stuff. Of course, that is more expensive than buying a week's supply at one time, but I never could get him to see it that way.
This past year....with everything I've went through....I just got to the place I didn't cook....period! So, he has had to do most of it. I will say this much for him.....he has not complained about the fact that I haven't been cooking. Most working men would complain about not having a home cooked meal waiting on them, but he has been very good to me about that. When I get in from work.....I crash. Usually at the computer...but still I crash. I can't seem to get much housework or anything else done, but I keep hoping that will change.
Well, it's time for me to go to work. Thanks for letting me vent this morning. I know this has been a long one! I know when I complain about my H it makes him sound awful, but he really is a good man and treats me good. It's just some of his habits or quirks or whatever you would call it that is not helping my condition at all. I believe if he could try harder to change some of the things he does that frustrate me, then it would not only make a difference in how I felt mentally and physically, but would motivate me to try a lot harder to do things around the house.
Thanks for listening.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
