Going thru the Big D - Aggressive or Not Aggressiv

[rogerrespondent]

My faithful wife filed for Divorce the last week of September and we are scheduled to go to trial at the end of February (which is the last thing I want to have happen) I have periodically tried different things from the book but it is alot harder than it sounds to apply some of the things discussed ...I would try something and then after a week or so would give up and try something else....all told I think I must have tried everything to get her back with me except the right thing (at least for us) there was never any abuse or anything like that during our 7 yr marriage I did put her through college and grad school allowing her to get a killer job (100k) so here is my question I am well versed in the law and even though I represent myself I have had no trouble at all handling her attorney and making him follow the rules. As a wounded man my two choices are fight or flight and I have never walked away from a fight when the result of my actions will to be allow someone to walk all over me. We have had two full blown hearings so far and I have walked out the victor in both. The problem I have is every time I respond to something her attorney has done or anytime I have filed anytime of pleading to keep her attorney inside the lines I have been met with hostility from my soon to be ex. We get along fine but I just spent Christmas without seeing her because she was still mad from our December 17th hearing where the judge gave me access to our marital assets (savings and investment accounts)anyway she is facing the very real likelihood of paying me compensatory spousal support of over 1500 mo for 3 1/2 to 4 years at the conclusion of all of this. I do not want to get divorced at all ...she would attend counseling but only if I got weak with pursuing what I am entitled to receive according to Oregon Law. And as long as I continue to proceed sticking up for myself and my position she will never do anything but go down with the ship. How do I juggle the two hats I have to wear in this thing ?? I did not start all of these legal actions against one another ..she did. The last thing I want to do is allow her to manipulate me to drop everything that she owes me based upon her declaration that she is open to counseling if I lay down my sword. Only to find that she has just as much intention of following through on that as she did with her proclamation of forever when we got married. I can start slow dancing things in the divorce to buy me anywhere from 2-4 months before its time to go to trial ...what do I do and how do I separate these two different parts of my life with her that have goals that are 180 degrees apart from each other. thanks!!