H sent me a text message at 6:13am my time to say "Merry Xmas". I sent back a "Merry Christmas to you too".
I bawled so hard on the way to my moms that I sometimes couldn't see through the tears. It was the first time in 12 years I went to Christmas without him.
My family was good today at trying to be understanding. It was sweet. Too bad, near the end, my mom had to start making me seem like a saint. "You tried so hard. etc etc." Once again I ended up 'arguing' his side. Once again I had to say that within the context of our situation (him wanting a divorce) he has been very nice about it. He hasn't trashed me; he hasn't "regretted" our relationship; he hasn't said "I never loved you"; he isn't being a creep about the $$; I mean, really, it could be SO much worse. I am actually not sure how it could be "better" unless I was also on board with wanting a divorce.
On the 27th my containers are arriving. Now that Christmas is over, it's time to really focus on packing. I do feel relieved to have 'survived' Christmas without him. I hate to actually say "My first Christmas without him" even though that might be the case.
I find myself exhibiting tourettes syndrome. I will go to get hot water for my tea and loudly say "F!!" (obviously, not just the letter "f"). I walk into rooms and shout "Sht!!" (Sorry to all that I may have offended by my foul language.) I feel overwhelmed, very sad and angry.
On that happy note (HA!) I am going to go off to bed.
I hope everyone out there had a Merry Christmas or at the very least, can at least say they made it through it.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
