Long and Bumpy Road 2be continued...

[Startingover2]

My H just left. Only the second time I have seen him since Thanksgiving. The last time about 10 days ago was a disaster. He started texing me earlier and I was having a weak, lonely moment so I text'd back. He said he sat home all day today and didn't do anything with anyone and that he has been having a rough few days. I ended up inviting him down to feel the baby kick. He hasn't felt it yet.

It was a nice visit and he was stone cold sober. It made me get worried as I knew it was making me weak. This was the normal guy I married. Right here. Right now. He wasn't being an a**, he wasn't drinking, he was so happy to be here feeling her.

We did talk some about R. He felt I demoted him to 'sperm donor' and pushed him away. I agreed. I said it was safer, given the choices and things that were happenening and I just snapped. I couldn't deal with OW being in the picture and one of us had to go. He said over and over that they text'd but it was just about her dying dad. That was the first time he admitted he even spoke to her. I don't honestly believe him as I think it was still at the very least an EA.

I told him what I needed if he was going to be around. I need to trust him, to feel completely safe with him. That as much as I missed him this past month, life and stress was actually much easier.

I don't know where we go from here. I know I am not jumping back in yet. Oh, he made a comment that he feels when she comes in March that life and our R will be much different. I asked how. He said it will be better.

Right now I am just taking these as empty words. He has spoken things like this before only to turn on me and go another way. Time will tell.