Wow - Today was totally crazy. Pretty much 16hrs of non-stop action for me, plus I've got a sinus infection... Lots of positives overall though. This is really long, more of a journal, so if you don't care, look away now
W finally made it over around 10:30 this morning. She said she was cleaning and stuff because she hadn't cleaned in a few weeks - I told her I'd take D tonight (should be W's night) and she could take it easy because she has to work the rest of this week. We started opening gifts - Mostly worked on D & W's stockings at first and then went through D's things. W gave me my gift from her and D, which was a nice digital camera, although she said "If you don't like it I have the gift receipt so you can change it". W seemed pretty excited about a lot of the toys and books I got D and even took a few home with her tonight because she didn't have enough older toys for her. W started opening her gifts and she seemed pretty happy about them. She got to one that was pretty inexpensive, but she said "Wow, that was expensive". I just told her I got some discounts and rebates and she didn't say much else. Both D and W were left with one gift and W decided that D should go for a bath and we should make dinner. W ended up going through a lot of D's clothes and sorting old stuff while I bathed her, then W started working on lunch. D ended up eating most of her lunch before we even started and she was getting sleepy, so I suggested taking her to bed for her nap - But we should go open the last few gifts first. We opened D's gift first - Nothing really exciting; just some towels and bath toys, so while I was showing D her new things W opened her last gift. I swear I have never seen the look of amazement on my W's face that I did. She opened it up, looked at it, pushed everything aside and gave me a big hug and kiss (well, as much as you can get when you're on the floor with a baby on your lap). D went for bed, then W, me and her new toy had lunch together. D woke up about 3hrs later and W hadn't put it down at all. She told me how thankful she was so many times and that she was amazed I bought her something so nice. She also told me I had done really well at getting things for D and making Christmas exciting for her and that I was a "wonderful, wonderful, wonderful" Daddy. Swoosh. 3 points!
We finished the day at her parents, which was just complete chaos. Four kids under 4, six adults and a house full of gifts. I filled my trunk with things for W, D and myself when we left. W took her gift from me along with her, which was a nice feeling. W was pretty quiet at her parents, but she later told me she was stressed out with being around all the kids. She kept going upstairs from the basement to hang out on her own in the living room, so I went up once just to see if she was doing okay. Kiss, hug, ILY, "I'm having a great Christmas. Thank you" from W.
Ride home was interesting. We were just talking about nonsense and I mentioned that W's sister's baby was starting to grow on me (She's about 3 months old). W said that she was starting to become more interesting, but that D was her favorite baby out of all of them (duh!). I just told W that I sometimes missed the newborn stage of it all and W said "I was thinking too about D having a sibling". wtf? I remember holding her hand and touching her leg on the way home, but I really don't remember what the conversations were about. I do recall that she mentioned that this had been one of the best Christmases for her and she thanked me for doing everything to make it so much fun for her and D. We also talked a little about our last vacation to England and we talked about how we will do things differently next time?!?
Got back to my house, put D to bed, then started to organize the haul from W's parents. Brought it all into the house, made three piles, then took W's stuff and some of D's things out to her car. It was REALLY cold, so she started it and just left it and came back in the house. We hung out in the kitchen for a while, where I have some family photos (including something that D made at daycare for us as a Christmas gift with a family photo on it). W mentioned that she was 'ugly and overweight' - I just put my arms around her as I stood behind her and told her she was beautiful and that she never needs to think that she is anything other than that. She told me thank you and held my arms for a while.
On her way out she hugged me and gave me a kiss - Turned into a ten minute kissing/hugging/ILY session. Nothing too crazy, but it was nice. W never told me to stop, that she didn't want it or wasn't comfortable. Heck, I even grabbed her butt and she giggled. She did say that she was exhausted and wanted to go home and rest, so I helped her get her stuff together. When she left she told me she would talk to me tomorrow.
I know I took a major gamble going nuts for Christmas. It was a total 180 for me to be so involved in a family event like this, so I think W appreciated the weight not being on her shoulders. I know I demonstrated some serious financial stability to her - Wasn't really something that was specific to me, but we always struggled to get by the three years we lived together. Lots has changed since then, but I think W has more confidence in my ability to support her and D. I told W that I went 'all out' this Christmas because I had not had the opportunity to do so in the past - Entirely true, but she didn't even think of questioning it at all. W felt pretty bad because she had no money to get things for most people, but I was really honest with her and said that she didn't have to buy me anything and that the holiday was mostly about D anyway. She told me that I had been very generous this Christmas and that I 'got shafted'. I just told her I got the gift I wanted (a camera), and that I spent Christmas with W and D, and it didn't matter what stuff I got.
Quite to my surprise, I got ZERO negative comments about anything I did - No questions of my motives, no "Just because I got this doesn't mean you'll get XXX'. She seemed genuinely impressed and amazed how much effort I had put into everything.
Do I think anything will change - Not really. W is still obviously confused, but I know that stuff is going on in her head when it comes to she and I. I also learned that I can push her right now, at least a little, and there aren't really any negative consequences to it. I think W is just terrified right now to make any decisions right now.
