Today (Yes, on Christmas) I walked H to car after he was here to open present with the kids and told him I had one more present. I got into his car and said, "You know that expression-if you love someone set them free? Well, I'm setting you free. If I can't make you happy and she can then be with her and I will find someone myself. I can't love like this anymore." He stated crying and said that he doesn't feel that it's much of a present. He said that he is more miserable now than when he moved out and he thinks about what he has done everyday. He is not happy and doesn't know what will make him happy.
He said that he realizes now that I was not what has caused his unhappiness-that it is inside of him and he knows he blamed me for everything in the beginning. He said he doesn't know how to speak to me about any of this. The words just don't come out right.
He is not sure what to do or how to feel. He said the girls and I are the most important people in the world to him. And I said, "I don't feel that from you". He was crying during the whole conversation. He said that we have to talk more about this (hasn't wanted to talk for 6 months!!!). And I was getting ready to go to my parents house. I said that he knows where I am and that if he wants to talk he will have to initiate it.
He is suppose to come to spend the day with us tomorrow. We'll see what happens.
You all may think it was cruel to do this on Christmas, but was it ok for him to do any of this to me and my kids every day for the past 6 months? The timing was right as far as I'm concerned.
I'm worried about him tonight-hopefully he went to his sisters to be around other people who love him. I just can't see doing this for years. I'm sure I broke all DB rules! _______________________
Me:45 H: 45 M: 14 yrs T: 16 yrs D's: 7/11 Bomb: June '07 Moved out: Sept.'07
