Trying to Cope, but It's Too Hard

[stacy22]

Well, I want to believe there is hope, I just don't know how to proceed with someone who doesn't want to give me any. He has made it clear that he wants to move on and he is happier than he has ever been because he doesn't have to take care of me. He doesn't have to come home, help around the house, and he has his dinners fixed for him by the people he lives with. He has stated that it's nice to be able to take care of himself and not worry about anyone else. He can go where ever he wants to and not worry about us, but than he commented he did that anyway, but it is just different now.

His brothers and father tried to talk to him after christmas and tried to talk to him about his choices, and how it is affecting everyone not just him. They told him that he is being very selfish. They tried to tell him no matter what he does they are going to stand by my side to help me out, because he is not doing what he had promised to do with his family.

I told them that it was probably not a good idea, because he had made statements that he did not care what they thought and understood that they were not happy with him. I think that he is seeing this girl he told me he stopped talking to. He left several times to talk to someone in his pickup in the cold and was very secretive about it.

I asked him again if he was seeing someone, and he told me it was none of my business and he was not going to tell me. I told him that out of respect for our marriage that I had the right to know, and that he still is married to me whether he thinks so or not. I believe that we made a convenant with God and that is stronger than any contract. I am praying daily that God will get a hold of him and he will get back to his roots, which is his walk with God.

I am heart broken I want him to come home and want me again, to love me again, and to give me a chance to make our marriage work. I know I can't change his decisions, but I have to believe that God is bigger than the both of us, and that he does not want us to divorce. I have decided if he files, I won't sign the papers. I have decided to move his stuff out and put them into boxes, and let him know that he can not come to our house whenever he feels like it. I told him that I would finish our basement on my own, and that I do not want him to think he is responsible for doing it. I told him that I want him to discover where he wants to be, and he has made the choice to not be responsible for us, therefore, I will take over for me and my girl.

I told him that when he falls, I will be their because I love him. I told him when he is hurting I will be there. I told him that when he discovers that his happiness won't be discovered elsewhere I will be there. I don't know what I am doing, I feel very lost without him, but I know that I have to take it day by day and try to get myself together without him. He has decided he is to good for me and that I do not deserve any respect. I don't want him to come home until he thinks that he can treat me better, and wants the same thing I want.

This whole things is so scarey, because he doesn't seem to care, and I have never been without him. I have been married to the man since I was a Junior in HS, and I am a police officer who see's this crap happen every day. I don't want to battle over my kid and I don't want people in and out of her life, and I don't want to see him with others, it will kill me.

This is not fair, and he is making choices without considering anyone but himself. I hope that he someday will hurt like I am hurting and he gets his heart stomped on. I hope that he will hit rock bottom so that he sees that what he had was pretty darn good, and a piece of butt was really not worth it all. I would never wish this pain on anyone, but he has never experienced the kind of pain he has inflicted on me. I hope my God is a just God, and because he is turning away from him also God will show him what he needs to see. I am just praying for strength to get through for me and my girl.

Please send me some hope and answer my blog, because I am needing help... I try to read as much as possible, but I don't know how to get him back. I want my husband back, but I do not want this person he wants to be rite now.