Long and Bumpy Road 2be continued...

How did you guess? LOL It just made me shake my head. It was a nice gesture and all and if he was normal I probably would have liked it better. But given the sich, and how he has pretty much left the rest of this pregnancy up to me alone it was more irritating.

Sounds like he walked around a department store and found it in the 'gift' section. At least he put some thought into it, sort of.

Hopefully other people get you something better

So how do I respond when H sends a text:

"I love you and baby"

Its so frustrating and irritating. Part of me wants to believe him so bad, but his actions say different. He chose to still have contact at least on the phone if not PA with OW and lied about it. How do you say you love someone and do that?

Guilt, I guess - Maybe he thinks his activities with OW are 'okay' if he is still affectionate towards you.

I'm curious. Did your dynamic and relationship with your H change much after you divorced? Obviously something happened afterwards (duh ), but I wasn't sure how long he had been drifting back and forth with you.

[Startingover2]

This is my other thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1185965&page=2#Post1185965

but in a nutshell, H walked out one day in a huff. We never really had closure at all. He would still come around about every week or two at most, we would spend a few days together and he would disappear and like clockwork I would recieve a text saying how he isn't ready to R or whatever and I would be left devastated until the next time. During those moments he would say ILY, Im sorry and talk about the future but then go back to reality. He said he made a mistake divorcing me but he was so far into it he didn't know what to do. He made such a stink when he left trying to justify his actions to family and friends. I actually did try dating someone at one point and it was a disaster as H found out (small town) and began pursuing me like crazy and promising the moon and then when I ended that relationship he bailed again. We did this back and forth thing for a few months after our D was final. I became pregnant in June and H thought it was some sort of sign that we were supposed to be together and vowed to work on us. I believed him for awhile until I started finding texts from OW...OW who he dated/friendship the entire time we were separated. She had no idea he was still seeing me the entire time as well, so when he had to tell her he got his exwife pregnant I am sure he had to eat alot of crow. You would have thought a reasonable woman would have run hard and fast if a guy said he got his exwife pregnant,but it almost made her cling harder to him.

Soooooo...that is my sich in a nutshell. Some people say he does love and want to be with me, but there is something inside him that is so dysfunctional and twisted that he won't allow it. He hasn't been honest with anyone (not even OW) since day one. In fact, people would tell her when we were separated that he and I were together and she thought I was making it up and lying. She still to this day thinks he hung the moon. Sickning woman.

Soooooo...that is my sich in a nutshell. Some people say he does love and want to be with me, but there is something inside him that is so dysfunctional and twisted that he won't allow it. He hasn't been honest with anyone (not even OW) since day one. In fact, people would tell her when we were separated that he and I were together and she thought I was making it up and lying. She still to this day thinks he hung the moon. Sickning woman.

Wow - She must be a real waste of humanity if she is still sticking around after all of that. Is the best she can do a guy who divorces his W then gets her pregnant? I can't say any of that makes sense - She's obviously nuts.

Sounds like he needs to be told he either needs to commit to you and your baby, or you're doing it on your own (not that you're not doing it alone right now anyway). Nothing particularly positive seems to occur with your interactions with your H... He's just stuck between you and OW and can't make a decision. It has to be great for his ego when someone is basically drooling over him, but it's still just a bunch of crap without any substance...

[Startingover2]

Thank you for saying that Brit...it actually made me feel better because I feel the same way about OW. I know my H is the #1 blame, but I know OW personally and she is some well respected teacher around here and she puts on this phoney and fake smile like she is everyone's best friend. Their entire relationship has been sort of under wraps and both have always said they are just great friends but I know better.

When you say that there is something seriously wrong with her in why she would want to stay with a guy like him after all this is the same way I feel. But then again....why do I?

[Startingover2]

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope all are keeping those PMA's this year.

It's Xmas morning and my kids just left to be with their dad for the rest of the day. Their dad (my first exh) have a good system. I always have them Xmas eve and he gets them Xmas day. My family celebrates Xmas Eve so it works out good. We alternate who has them for the morning. Its one part of divorce I don't like as I miss my kids, but we work it out ok. When their dad and I divorced my kids were somewhat older so I didn't miss out on too many Santa things.

I was really hoping that this baby I am carrying would not have to endure what my other kids have but it looks like she will have to from day one. I was hoping that I would get to spend a complete holiday with one child and a husband. Not going to be the case and that makes me so sad.

H did send one text last night...hope you and baby sleep well. Gee thanks. Its fricking Xmas! We should be a family like we promised our other kids we would be. We were going to set an example of how married people truly love eachother when we got married. What happened to all of that? I think I am feeling a bit ripped off and resentful this Xmas morning.

I hope everyone has a good holiday and hopefully some will have some positive changes in their sich's....

[Startingover2]

I just got my Xmas text from H:

-Merry Christmas to you and the kids and my unborn baby. I really miss you all.

WTF~! It was really nice to hear that he misses us, but he really could do something about it too and hes not. These were not my choices, they were his. So as sad as it makes me to hear it, it really ticks me off as well.

[JennyF]

We should be a family like we promised our other kids we would be. We were going to set an example of how married people truly love eachother when we got married. What happened to all of that? I think I am feeling a bit ripped off and resentful this Xmas morning.

I hear you SO2....I lived my life from the age of 7 going from house to house and I swore my kids would never have to live like that...looks like I was wrong.
Hope the rest of yoru day goes well.
J~

[Startingover2]

My H just left. Only the second time I have seen him since Thanksgiving. The last time about 10 days ago was a disaster. He started texing me earlier and I was having a weak, lonely moment so I text'd back. He said he sat home all day today and didn't do anything with anyone and that he has been having a rough few days. I ended up inviting him down to feel the baby kick. He hasn't felt it yet.

It was a nice visit and he was stone cold sober. It made me get worried as I knew it was making me weak. This was the normal guy I married. Right here. Right now. He wasn't being an a**, he wasn't drinking, he was so happy to be here feeling her.

We did talk some about R. He felt I demoted him to 'sperm donor' and pushed him away. I agreed. I said it was safer, given the choices and things that were happenening and I just snapped. I couldn't deal with OW being in the picture and one of us had to go. He said over and over that they text'd but it was just about her dying dad. That was the first time he admitted he even spoke to her. I don't honestly believe him as I think it was still at the very least an EA.

I told him what I needed if he was going to be around. I need to trust him, to feel completely safe with him. That as much as I missed him this past month, life and stress was actually much easier.

I don't know where we go from here. I know I am not jumping back in yet. Oh, he made a comment that he feels when she comes in March that life and our R will be much different. I asked how. He said it will be better.

Right now I am just taking these as empty words. He has spoken things like this before only to turn on me and go another way. Time will tell.

[JennyF]

Oh, he made a comment that he feels when she comes in March that life and our R will be much different. I asked how. He said it will be better.

My H said things like this leading up to my S being born. What I still don't know is if he meant that it would be 'better' just for our R (but just our co-parenting R...not the M) or if that the it would help us heal things. As of now... I know it is the former. But I'm not sure if he might have the latter back then...he was still at the beginning of the tunnel then.

Anyway S02...it sounds like you guys had a pretty good talk. I'm glad you got to see glimpses of the guy you married and that he opened up to you.
J~