Just journaling while I am waiting my turn in the shower:
Need to get it out here rather than at SIL's.
I got all of the gifts under the tree last night. It was so sad. I have never done this without H. It brought back memories of Christmas past and it was very emotional.
Around midnight I went in to wash my face and thought to myself that I would tm H at midnight wishing him a Merry Christmas. He beat me to it. We tm'ed back and forth for a while. He said it was too hard right now with s15. He didn't want to ruin s15's christmas,etc. I told him I wouldn't tell him what to do but he is more than welcome to be here if he changed his mind.
He didn't. Christmas morning came and no H. The kids enjoyed opening their gifts. I was trying to keep my emotions in check. It was hard. The kids enjoyed their gifts.
D12 called h. She said he was crying. They talked for a while. She is trying to keep her spirits up because I think she knows it is hard for me.
After they hung up H called me. He was very emotional. I asked if we could come by with his gifts and he said no. Take them back and keep the money. I said no. He said he was going to stay home or maybe go for a drive and get something to eat. He talked about s15 some more and I told him that s15 was expecting him to be around today and that he was fine with it. I also told him that there is love for H in S15's heart ....it is just needs to find its way back.
H got emotional and I started to cry. I couldn't help it. I finally told him goodbye because I just couldn't talk anymore. My phone is off and on the charger. Not sure if he tried to call again or tm. We'll see.
Headed to SIL's in a bit. The kids are excited and I am dreading it. His sister is so mad at him that I think she is glad he won't be there. We shall see how it goes.
Snodderly, is this H pulling away from me or is what do you think? He hasn't been around much other than a few minutes here and there. Is he trying to drop the rope and be rid of me?
