I don't miss her at all. I don't care if/when she comes back. We celebrated a birthday today, she 'should' have been here, but it didn't matter to me, at all. I don't think I like this, not a bit. It kind of worries me. Are the only reasons I want her to stay because I don't want a 'failed' marriage, and for the kids? The youngest of whom just had his tenth birthday with only a phone call from his mom, and seems fine? Of course, they are so exited by Christmas, maybe that's lost. It has always been a challenge to separate his birthday from Christmas. to the point where we pulled back on Christmas Eve traditions we had to make sure that it was his day. Oh, well, maybe I'll feel differently after a day of two.
It worries me that I don't see W as really having anything to do with why I want to save the marriage. Have I over detached? After so much rejection, I didn't know what else to do. And what can I do now?
Well, there's some pleasant Christmas reading for you! I hope lots of you have such a great Christmas that you don't read this til Boxing Day!
It's all okay. Just embrace and "own" the feelings that you have right now. They are all yours, nothing to be scared or ashamed or worried about. All you, babe.
Enjoy those moments with your kids tomorrow. Embrace the feelings, feel the power, know that you are functioning.
The big guy in the red suit is done, the boys and I are going to have a good day tomorrow. And I will cook up a storm. Crepes for breakfast, with sausages and hash browns, and then enchiladas and fajitas sometime later. Anyone passing though would be fed!
Cat has taken up residence behind my knees. She does not like me moving at night.
And I don't think I want to embrace the feelings a few posts up. I don't like them, buy they are true. So I can't just tell them yo go away. The thing is, this is the second three year stretch. So, even if it stops, and we have three feet of snow in Tucson tomorrow, I'm afraid I'll always be looking around the corner for the next time. She accepts it, perhaps not as normal, but not as anything to do anything about. I don't see that changing. Not after going through this twice. I just don't like the conclusions that leads to, either. In a way it is sort of similar to forgiving an affair, and having it happen again. How willing am I to go for three, if he second time even ends? And, except for the hormones, I don't really know that I'd want to say yes if the opportunity was presented.
AAAck! Enough of that. Tomorrow, anyway, will be a great day!
This morning went very nicely! Klutzed up breakfast as bit, but half the kids were sleeping, and the other half were too excited to care. I expect you can figure out which was which! Then to the tree, where I think everyone came away well pleased. And they've been playing ever since.
I'm getting ready to work on dinner, or whatever meal we'll have later. There's no timeline, so I can play a bit, work a bit, rest a bit, clean a bit, and still have a productive day. And, the food will be much better than breakfast. I've never muffed fajitas, and the enchiladas take more work, but still pretty straightforward. And I am going to make enough for the rest of the week, I think. S18 is still under the weather, though I think on the mending side, so W's dad is not going to come over. He doesn't need to get exposed to stuff we know we have.
And strangely, I haven't a clue where the anklet for W is. I know where it was before I started cleaning, but I don't have any idea now. But I have ten days to find it. I haven't actually thrown the trash away, so I know it is here. I'm sure that I put it somewhere safe. That can mean it is gone for years, but I hope not!
How do you make enchiladas that "take more work"? That is my easy throw together dinner when I don't have time to fuss and muss...and if I am really really in a hurry I layer instead of roll and then we just cut squares out to serve... Fajita's I agree can't be muffed up...but do you use authentic fajita meat...because you do know that chickens don't really have "fajitas", don't you? Okay, enough picking on you...I made my kids fix breakfast and when they offered me scrammbled eggs I reminded them that I always cook their eggs to order no matter how they want them fixed...... Now we are just watching the cats play with a box that has a hole in it...quite entertaining...if looks could kill one of them would be dead by now...they are so entertaining... Maybe you could make the W work for her anklet...tell her there is a gift hidden somewhere in the house(rule out the trash first) and all she has to do is find it...should be about as fun as watching our cats in a box don't you think???...okay, she might not find it so amusing...
Thanks Lin! That made me laugh! I'm planning to make chicken enchiladas as well as cheese, so I actually have to cook up and shred the chicken, and mix stuff up.
I'm glad we started having 'non-traditional' Christmas dinners. Less work, less stress, just as much fun. And a good thing when you are the only parent here! I can keep up our traditions, and not kill myself all at the same time.
Cat has found a spot in the sun. Quite unsurprising!
I usually do chicken enchiladas too...but sometimes I cheat and buy an already roasted chicken to start with...
I have to tell you this story because I think you will see the humor of it...when I first married chicken enchiladas were one of my regular things to cook...well one day I forgot to remove the chicken from the freezer...so I decided it could just take it out of the wrapper and pressure cook it and it would be fine...well you know those giblet packets in the plastic bags inside the cavity?...yep...and you know the absorbent pad stuff they put under the chicken when they package it?...yep...those things were frozen to the bird and I completely forgot about them...through the frozen bird in the pressure cooker and let her rip... To my suprise when I opened the lid I found all this funky yellow stuff floating on top...along with some fuzz!...it was then that it dawned on me about the giblet pack and the absorbent stuff... So what to do...newly married...hubby coming home from work after a long day and drive...so I did what any frugel wife would do...I skimmed off all the floaters...pulled the chicken out and removed the meat from the bone...no one ever knew until I told the story years later...by then it was funny! I had a woman teach me how to make my own enchilada sauce..problem is now I only remember how to make the green sauce...which I love with a little sour cream mixed in...and one of my secrets that I add to my chicken enchiladas that no one notices but they always comment on the good flavor and ask what it is...I had a handful of raisins or dried cranberries...along with the onion, cheese and stuff that I put in...a trick I learned from a Mexican woman who made killer enchilada's...
so when is dinner???
Our cats are wafting from the balcony and back to a box with a hole cut in it for them to hide in...it is funny watching them...
Lin- I've cooked that absorbent paper stuff at least once. I have managed to forget the details, fortunately, I just remember being glad there were no witnesses!
I've never done a green sauce, I should learn. Is that a 180 from the red? I would have never thought of cranberries or raisins. If the kids caught sight of something like that I think there would be a mutiny!
I just went to check what people wanted, and discovered that the two older boys (young men? ouch!) are going to a 5 something movie with some friends. Somethings opens today, I think. So, I may just go with the fajitas. Though if I make the enchiladas too, I won't have to cook tomorrow, and probably the next day, too. Hmmm, I don't know what to do. Perhaps I should take a nap, and the answer will come in a dream?
Anyway, the kids would go without, probably. When do you want to eat? I can have it ready then! Be pretty late by the time you get here, I think.
While I was typing, cat jumped into my lap, and decided that I was either boring, or not close enough to the sun. W doesn't like cats so much, they leave fur on sewing projects, and you know how they HAVE to lie on anything like that. The one that left was very long haired, this one isn't quite so bad, but you can see the places where she spends her time. W says no more cats after this one. Maybe I should just get the divorce now?
EDIT: By the way, jalepeno stuffed olives are good! I might not even make dinner!
I like olives stuffed with all kinds of stuff...garlic, feta, blue cheese, pimento...actually I haven't met an olive that I don't like yet! No one really notices the raisins but they notice if I leave them out now...the taste is different... Make the enchiladas because actually they are better a day or two later anyway...and I love enchiladas reheated with eggs for breakfast!
The green sauce is really easy to make...I think anyway...you just roast a bunch of peeled tamatillo's and a few chilis...when they are ice and roasted you put them in a blender...add chicken broth if you need to...and if you like a creamy green sauce you just fold in sour cream to taste before pouring it over the enchiladas...
