CVA - Have I Done Everything...No!

[Not Much Left]

Thanks ST
I guess that is just it...Pride. I really dont have Pride in that respect, I am willing to humble myself, my W on the other hand never has and I suspect never will. I think the last 3 times she "accepted" me back after telling me it was over, was due to outside forces, nothing inside her that ever let go of the Pride factor.

I thought about this stuff yesterday as I thought about the W, WC, and life in 2008 and how different it will be. The main thing I never let go of from 7 yrs ago (the 1st time and consistent with almost everyone's experience of the 7 yr itch problem) was that I constantly felt like *I* was walking on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well it dropped 3 more times, self fulfilling. I dont know if I will ever be able to totally let go of that which is why I dont know if my W can give me what I want. She always said I made her feel like *she* was walking on eggshells w/ my anger / temper. Point is, I know how it feels and unlikley that we would ever get to a healthy place. I of course am willing to try, always have been. But, when you have given it almost everything you have, it has taken so much out of me, I just want to move forward one way or another. I am certain she feels the same way, the latter, not the "trying" part which is why she filed. She does not want to live this way forever either.

Just today got a card from a friend of mine / hers (the W of the couple we know) who addressed the card to JUST my W and the kids. Some crap on the card about changes etc. Sheezzzzz, that one hit home. W and the kids, a separate entity from CVA, W and the kids.

Oh well, maybe WC will call / email and brighten my spirits a bit.

Merry Christmas all....

C

[SunnySeason]

Merry Christmas CVA,

Miss talking to you (Nomopo too). Hopefully have some time alone soon to call you. H turned his visit into a sleepover last night & will be here through tomorrow. I'm not accustomed to having someone around anymore & it's cramping my style a bit.

Try & give yourself a break from this stuff until after Christmas. Hard to do I know.....I've had several "talks" with myself in the last day or so to keep my emotions managed.

((((CVA))))

Sunny

[Not Much Left]

Sweet Sunny!
Hi, how are you?

Miss talking to you too.
Just hit "C" on your phone as I "am sure" I am on speed dial by now! "N" is for Nomo!

Merry Christmas SweetPea

C

[SteveInTN]

CVA,

I've been thinking about you all day trying to find some good words for cheer. Never did decide on any... My W & Kids just flew in from Texas tonight. I just got home after picking them up from the airport. I know it is tough right now, but things are going to be okay. Keep your chin up, things will be better in 2008.

In the WC department, I'm with ya bro. My advice is to keep 'em at an arms distance until a bit later. Once you get your new place, make it like the Bat Cave. Don't give the address to anybody!

:-)

Steve

[Not Much Left]

Hey Steve
Hope you are well, happy holidays or merry xmas, whatever, things will look great in 08 for us both, how's that!

Cheers
CVA

[Heimlich]

Merry Christmas, CVA. 2008 will be awesome for all of us.
BD

[Not Much Left]

Hey H
Ditto!

C

[Puddle]

Hey CVA,

Sounds like the WC helped you gain some distance from W and your sitch, and that's probably good. I know it's nice to have that affirmation, not to mention the affection and the realization that you're attractive to wonderful women, but maybe the space is good now between you and her? I'm not going to tell anyone when they're ready to move on, but it kinda sounds like you've thrown in the towel with W as opposed to reaching a place where you feel good about where you are. What do you think?

Merry Christmas! I'm thinking about you, ((((CVA)))).

Take care.

P.S. Hi, ST!

[new_attitude]

Hi CVA (and Puddle too!),

I hope your holidays were happy. I know you will join me in wishing 2007 a fond farewell (I have a mental image of kicking the year out the door!)

[Not Much Left]

Hey Puddle!
As you and others seem to be pointing out, I may sound like I'm throwing in the towel despite the fact that I still would like to save my M. I think I have shifted into CVA Protection mode. Something I rarely do...meaning protect my heart from further damgage, date before I know she does, basically be guarded which feels very different to me and not altogether comfortable. As you know, I am a "let the chips fall where they may" kinda guy so...

I spent 14 yrs at work watching every word, every action, its exhausting!

I do like WC, but to be fair to her, I would only complicate her life and mine if things dragged on or changed between W and I so I am backing off, though it is difficult for all the reasons u stated.

Had a very nice weekend with W and the kids, normal irritations with 4 kids and your usual D situation in the near background (whatever that means!) But a lot of smiling on my part and the kids and even W! Gave her a quick hug for xmas, wasn't uncomfortable "needy" just a nice friendly hug. Gave her some gifts from the kids, one of which was a cross necklace which I really thought about based on the advice here. Since her LL is gifts and she has pretty much everything, this was something she wouldn't buy for herself (expensive) but had meaning behind it. Didn't go over so well, she felt uncomfortable I think with me getting her something so nice and her getting me a few shirts (which I really liked). Even though it was "from the kids" she did not take it that way. Just told that was cool, she could take it back if she like or get something else, no biggie. That seemed to put hwr at ease.

They just left for Dallas, on my own, and looking forward to going out w/ Nomo et al tomorrow night...I think I should get a town car...or a hottie (I used to specify age here but with WC around 40 and Sunny, my age bracket has definitely changed!!!) or both!

Thinking about u too Puddle!!!

C