Like you, I'm wary of the Big Conversation. What if you bring a marriage counselor into the picture to sort of monitor the situation and serve as a support for both of you? Sometimes people think of a counselor/therapist as a policeman who tells you what you did wrong, or a medical person who tells you where you are "sick" and prescribes medicine for you. I prefer to see a therapist as a coach... professional athletes and dancers continue to train all their lives, seeking training from other professionals. If you found the right MC, and visited, say, every other week or every three weeks, with homework in between, maybe your H would see that you are serious. Also if he's THAT resentful, you may not be able to handle his feelings while you are trying so hard to hold up your end of things.
It's going to take more than one (or several) conversations couched in the correct terminology to turn this thing around. But maybe some of the men who have been in your H's sitch will give their thoughts on your questions.
