The only reason she's still living there is because I care about my kids and I want them to live in a decent place. I really don't care to get nasty with her. It serves the kids no good if we come down to that. I still want to leave the door open for any future reconciliation. I have no doubt that if I make her move out she would and she would find the means make do. And we would spend thousands on litigation. A complete waste of money and in the end my kids suffer.
I've been really down today.... However, I feel I had a moment of clarity while I was on top of the jungle gym playing with the kids at the playground. Odd isn't it? I feel that if God has plans for us to be together again he will work his miracles. I'm tired of trying to keep us together and keep holding out for hope of us. Maybe God means for us to be apart for now. Maybe he wants me to work on me, and maybe he wants to show her something. I am exhausted and spent. Am I open for us to be together again? Yes. Am I going to keep sit around and wait for her, probably not. I will try to get my life together and get through this. Then whatever happens happens. If God brings us back together, I would be overjoyed. If not, perhaps God meant for someone else to be in my life. If I don't work on having myself be happy first, I don't think I would be attractive to anyone whether it is my W or whoever.
I'm sure I'll get down again. Tired of the rollercoaster, but I guess it's just part of the process.....
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
