Every storm has a rainbow 4

[NikB]

I understand what you are saying. I am just going to go back into hibernation.

Hmmmm if this is what you thought I was saying, I didn't make my point very well at all!

I think you do need to see some changes and some movement (one way or the other) in your sitch, and with how you've been feeling lately I think now IS a good time to do something to cause that movement.

What about trying the changes to your actions first (the hug/kiss things) and see what happens? If it's not well received, maybe it's time for a re-worked version of the letter. If it IS well received, well, you're moving the right direction - no need for the letter. Make sense??

Don't know what to do anymore. I think I am stuck for another 8 years. When son is 18 I can just up and leave.

Heck people are frustrated with me for choosing to be "stuck" during the holidays... I can't even imagine choosing EIGHT YEARS of feeling like you are now.

If it's really all about your son I don't think him being 18 will make a whole lot of difference. He'll grow up having no idea what a healthy M looks like. There's the benefit of you both being there all the time - but I really don't think that's best for any of you (son included). My parents D'd when I was 19 or 20.. in college, didn't live at hom anymore.. it was still very hard on my, and still is to this day (you'll always have holidays to "split," etc).

I know it's not just about him though - it's about your love for your W, too. I can tell that from talking with you in Sonoma, from your letter, all that. Which means... it won't be easy anytime.. now, 8 years from now.

Not meant as a downer, just sayin' that I think you ARE right to take some kind of action to make things change sooner rather than later.

Kind of going through withdrawals today. Have not taken any pain killers or had anything to drink for two days. A funny thing is I really don’t feel like doing either. Just want to go to bed and wake up 5 years ago...

(((H))))

I'm sorry. We all wish we had that time machine eh?

Really sorry you're having such a rough day. Now I kinda feel guilty for emailing you! Hope it didn't bring you way down.