Still sad but movin' on

[alamogirl]

We jumped through many hoops to be together. We were best friends. He once said, to have a family is the greatest achievement in life. We had a great family. We loved, laughed, cried, worked hard, talked for hours, cooked, made love, made plans for our future and loved being parents to our S(5). I was the happiest woman on earth. Ah, ignorance is bliss.

STBXH, sadly, was holding so much in. He was unhappy with himself and he suddenly (I believe) snapped. He realized that he had lived his life to please everyone else and didn't really have a clue who he was.

Hey Monica,

Your story is so like mine minus the child. We had no bio kids together; however, I raised his son from age 8 years old to 14 years old. My ex had sole custody of his son.

But like you, we went through hoops to be together. It was hard dating when the ex was awarded sole custody. But like you, we were best friends. We didn't have a "great" family but we worked hard to make it easy and tolerable. I know that sounds harsh, but my stepson was raised by a very unstable woman. It was a feat in itself to undo everything she taught him (or didn't teach him).

We could also talk for hours. We'd sit out in our backyard and play with our dogs. We'd BBQ and drink a few beers. We enjoyed the same music, we both liked pickle juice, everything was going good. He was so reliable and responsible. I trusted him with my life. I never worried about anything because I knew he would make it better. He was the "go to" person. The one everyone called on when they needed help with something...whether it was about computers or help putting up drywall. I never had to wonder where he was. He always called if he was going to be late. He always checked with me before he made plans to go golfing. He was an all around responsible husband.

But like your STBXH, my ex was holding so much in. He was unhappy with himself and like your H (I swear), he snapped. After I started college, I saw a gradual change in us. But we were determined to make our lives better. He helped me with school work. Then he decided to quit his job to attend college full time with my blessing.

Everything was going well...then all of a sudden, he had a blow-out with his family. Everyone turned against him. It was them against us. I always fought every battle along side of him. I guess it was pretty hard on him. He started to remember things about his childhood that he had suppressed. I started to see him unravel before my eyes. I suggested he get professional help. I just assumed that this was another battle we were going to fight. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that it would break us up. We were a team, we were way to strong, we would overcome it. Sadly, it was too much for him...he got lost somewhere somehow and couldn't find his way back.

Anyway...sorry for rambling. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. You have all of us to lean on.

All my best and Happy Holidays,
alamogirl