Had a bad idea while wrapping 5D gifts...I could set-up house with Santa coming early tonight when WAW arrives with 5D at 8:00pm. Interesting idea. Seems like pursuing, especially if she doesn't intend to stay at all. It would be nice if WAW would at least want to see/know what I got for 5D. Hopefully, she gives me an obvious clue. Can't imagine how hard it will be for anyone to be alone x-mas morning.
Got all 5D gifts wrapped and Santa stuff ready to put out. Excited to see 5D. Put inflatable Snowman in the yard. 5D has not seen it so just more excitement for her. Think this is last post of the day for me...No matter how much I post, no way of knowing what WAW will do when she brings 5D to my house at 8:00pm tonight. Here's hoping and praying for good fortune. If not today, one day she will...I know she will...
Well, I lied...one more post...I got gifts for my dog, cats, etc...that are at WAW's place...Probably went a bit silly getting them. Whatever, I did what I wanted...made me happy. LOL, WAW has something to open x-mas morning, even if it is for the pets...
Well, WAW was suppose to bring 5D to me at 8:00 x-mas eve. At 8:15, she had yet to arrive so I called with the "are you ok". She said,"why?" I said because I expected you and 5D at 8:00. She then informed me that she was opening gifts with her family and would bring 5D at 9:00 in the morning. Completely changing the plans. I said I wished I would've known, I could have planned things differently. After a long pause, she said she would bring at 9:00 x-mas morning. I said have a merry christmas and she said you to.
So, after talking to my sister and her husband, they were not shocked at all. They have seen this done before and wanted me to raise a stink and just go get 5D then. I choose not to mess up time 5D was having with in-laws even though sister was right. I did not want to put 5D in the middle of things.
So, I called WAW back at 9:00. First thing I said was that I was not calling to complain or come and get 5D. I just needed her to bring 5D as early as possible because of x-mas plans and 9:00 was to late. She said good and that she was sorry she did not call me. She then told me she did this because of the misunderstanding on Wed. She then said she felt bad and could ask any of her family. I hope they reemed her for doing this because it simply is not right and she knows it. We agreed to this a month ago. Anyhow, she then started in on lawyer saying that they said it wouldn't be until next week before I would do anything. I said the secretary did not tell your lawyer right...mine is out of town nothing can be done. I then said I do not understand, we are talking about x-mas eve, then wednesday, now the lawyer, you even said we would meet 3 weeks ago to talk about matters and haven't. Big pause again. I then said I just don't understand why you are so angry with me. She said about what...and I said everything. Wed, why you are doing this everything. She did not have a coherent answer.
I then told her that you are making me out to be a lier in 5D's eyes. 5D was expecting and excited about spending x-mas eve night at my house and we had been counting the days before x-mas when going to school. Now, it is not going to happen at it makes me out to be a lier in 5D's eyes and it makes me unhappy. She listened said she was sorry.
I then got to tell her why I've been unhappy for so long. She listened to the whole thing and then I got to parallel with not getting 5D tonight and ruined my plans for x-mas morning and plans that followed. She said I was maticulous and that I should just get over it. I validated her and then said I am not that way anymore, and I thought out how I will do Santa differently. I know it is not perfect but it is the best I can do. I said I understand that you want Santa time with 5D but you agreed to this a month ago. She then said she just did it and never agreed. Direct contrast from her apology. I said I wrote it down...and you did to in your red binder and even said that is the day Santa comes, I then said I know you want to have Santa time and that is ok but would you bring 5D to my house as early as possible. Then, I said I was cold and was getting off the phone.
Overall, I actually felt a little positive about things because she listened to why I was unhappy for years and how I wanted to save money to buy house, take her on vacations, getaways, cruises but never had a dollar to do it and it made me miserable. She also apologized for what she had done. I don't know how she couldn't have because she is just wrong.
Well x-mas morning, she brought 5D at 8:15am. She wasn't going to get out of the car but I said some things to get. She stood outside while 5D got really excited about stuff in the house from Santa. I left her waiting a few minutes while 5D explored her gifts. Then I brought her gifts that 5D and I got for dog, cats, guinea pig, and 2 gifts from relatives. I then asked if she was going to open her gifts from 5D and she said another time. Set the schedule for 5D for next little while because she intended to change this also. She agreed. Pleasant but distant.
Not a lot of positive here, I imagine she didn't come in because this would be sharing each others life again. I plan on sending 5D gifts to her on 27th in the stocking 5D and I made for her.
Overall, I think she is confused, lonely, and definitely only thinking of herself. I am going to do all I can to remain as dark as possible. This may help bring her back, but if nothing else it will help me. I cannot continue to give WAW opportunities to say, do, or be unloving to me. It is clear she is not going to try any time soon. I feel like this is my only chance for her and for myself. To bad 5D in the middle
Sorry about the length...as I briefly reread this it sounds like I did most of the talking but she did and validate much more than it seems here. More of journal of my feels I suppose...PMA sux without your family on x-mas..
As long as that was I didn't expect much of a response today...interesting thing happened earlier today. I told 5D I was sorry she was not able to spend night with me on x-mas eve. She immediately said, "My mommy wouldn't let me and I got real upset." So, in short, my 5D validated everything I had told WAW hours before. I just told 5D that her mommy and daddy love her very much and lets go play.
I also feel that perhaps this and my 2nd phone call to WAW maybe lead to WAW very quiet, clearly unhappy, and distant state this morning. Almost like things I said and 5D said were on her mind.
Regardless, same plan...more darkness...yesterday unavoidable. But I scheduled 5D times where I can avoid WAW for quite awhile with ease. Maybe she wouldn't do legal stuff for awhile, I have a real question as to what to do about that...I leave that for another post...
WAW wants me to spend money and time drawing up papers that I want to send to her lawyer and back and forth as mentioned on x-mas eve. Since, she cannot win a fault case, and cannot get a no-fault in my state without me signing, why should I spend money and time doing her dirty work, especially if this is something I do not want? Of course, if I do nothing then she might file fault just to waste both of our money. Or just take it as indifferent or more of the same. If I do something like contact her to meet somewhere, then I break darkness and worse bring up us again. I've thought about writing her a note to mail, but certainly a mixed message to say I want to save things and then talk about what D papers need to say.
Thanks tryingman...it's amazing how positive I was considering every friend and family member said what she did to me and 5D was just dead wrong and would be ready to really fight now. It actually kind of rolled off me. No matter what she does, I cannot feel anything but love for WAW.
Some thoughts based on recent events that I left out from above, - WAW gave new excuse on 12/24...now it's because I am meticulous and am unhappy if everything is not just so...I validated her and then said I am not that way anymore you are not around to see it. I'll do x-mas a different way, it's not perfect but it's the best I can do for 5D. - 5D told me WAW did not know when I was coming home. Interesting she would bring that up. Last time she said it was about 2.5 months ago. - WAW brought up how I did not see this separation coming and how I was whiny, shocked, and surprised when it occurred. I had no answer, it really was unexpected, certainly a change of converstion, and don't know what to think about it. Maybe just a guilt thing she is working out. I found it odd for her to look that far in the past. I certainly need to listen better. I didn't even think about it until a day later.
Took 5D to WAW this morning. 5D really did not want to go and just wanted to be with me. I did as planned hugs and kisses and let 5D knock on door. When WAW answered, I pulled off. 5D has the stocking that 5D and I made with the gifts 5D picked out for her. The only gift I gave WAW is a framed picture of 5D from Jesus. 5D knows it is in there and that is from God.
Hardest thing for me to do is stay dark...I so much want to just hear her voice. But I know that I must not contact her in anyway. This is the only way. It allows me to continue to GAL and gives her more time to reconsider.
Stay strong. Stay the course. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with D5. This may be the most important outcome of this whole scenario (for you and me both). I have to think our respective daughters will only become more attached to their fathers. That is not a bad thing. We have to keep that part going at all costs and regardless of what WAW does. I know I am affected by WAWs actions and soemtimes my fuse is a little shorter than it should be with D7. I admire your dedication to your daughter and hope that your WAW one day realizes what she has. In the interim try to have some fun and do something for yourself!
Exactly...I know I am doing the right things for 5D. I went to the mall with 5D yesterday to get her a haircut. When leaving ran into someone who wanted me to work for him. Meanwhile 5D picked out some jewelry and said can we get this for Mommy. He looked at me and said that is really sweet, she is thinking of someone other than herself. Really bragged on 5D for it later. Simple example, but I know I am doing raising 5D the right way. Going to enroll her in ballet and take her to it. Something that 5D really wants to do and I'll get the bonus 180 to boot. Heck, WAW may not know about it for awhile because of my darkness.
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I know I am affected by WAWs actions and soemtimes my fuse is a little shorter than it should be with D7.
it is not easy to not let WAW effect your mood. However, you must not let it for you 7D's sake. If you must take a stroll around the house or something. Sit on the couch and do nothing for a moment. Clear your head a second. Take a deep breath. Do something. The children are in the middle of a mess that is not what they want and have no clue why their world is being shattered. Shower them with time and love and it will heal you. And mine showers me back with more love than any Daddy deserves.
It's actually very easy to do for 5D...all you have to do is give them your time. This morning she was roller skating in the house. It was a blast. Until she started crying that she had to go to WAW's. She really really did not want to go. Brought tears to my eyes also. Not a lot you can say.
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In the interim try to have some fun and do something for yourself!
that is very difficult to do in a rural area. However, I am going to try to start to go out to eat once a week without 5D. Also, enrolled in dance class for myself but this might not work when I have 5D...no biggie. Trick for me to find happiness will be to find a variety of things to do locally that give me something to do. I can't always go hours away and spend lots of money to "just get out". Also, looking to travel a bit, especially go take 5D on a plane to go see snow. And I am probably going to buy a home this summer. I will not let WAW destroy my dreams. I want this for 5D and I. Perhaps, WAW will be there also.
