Long and Bumpy Road 2be continued...

[Startingover2]

All quiet today. No contact from him at all. Weekend is here so I am sure he will be drinking it up in the next few days.....family? baby? Won't be on his mind.

[blindsided1]

Then he shouldn't be on your mind either. Just pretend he's out of town and didn't take his phone. Go about your business, bake some cookies with the kids. Get everyone in the Christmas spirit. Head up!!!

[Startingover2]

I did hear from him quite a bit yesterday. Most of the texts I either didn't respond to or gave short answers. I could tell that he was drinking by the way he would ask the same question over and over. Today I haven't heard a thing.

It got me thinking. This is the same pattern we have followed now for over a year. Life is back to what it was when we were separated and getting our D, pre pregnancy. Not one thing has changed. He calls when he is lonely or feels like it, comes around (if I let him) and then disappears into the sunset. It made me realize that I was in false R for sure. He never really had any intentions to repair our M or get back together. Sure he came around more because of the pregnancy but now looking back he was still adamant about how "slow" we were going to go and how he still loved his free time. Duh. Stupid me. He was telling me then that he really didn't want to come back. He was just dangling a carrot and throwing me crumbs so he could cake eat. How could I be so stupid? He is back to being the fun party guy with no attachments. The only thing that has changed is I am now pregnant with his child. How perfect for him.

Rather down at the moment. I have kept pretty busy this weekend but its been all with my teenagers. Been fun, but they don't want thier pregnant mom hanging out with them all the time. I am uncomfortable hanging out with my married friends my age as I am the only one unmarried now I am the only one with a baby on the way. Everyone else has older kids and I hate to see the looks on their faces without telling me "i told you so". I had such high hopes in the beginning of this pregnancy that things would change and my friends and family were skeptical. They were right and I was so wrong.

When will I get it?

[Startingover2]

So how do I respond when H sends a text:

"I love you and baby"

Its so frustrating and irritating. Part of me wants to believe him so bad, but his actions say different. He chose to still have contact at least on the phone if not PA with OW and lied about it. How do you say you love someone and do that?

Just lip service?

[blindsided1]

You're not stupid. You want things to work out, so you believe. There is nothing wrong with believing. I'm sure that when he says he loves you, he means it. I don't know where you go from here. I can't even imagine doing this for a year. It's been 2 months for me and I can't stand it. Did you read my thread. I haven't been the best DB'er lately. Hang in there. Have a really good Christmas. You're going to have a baby soon and that will occupy most of your time, you won't have time to worry about him. Merry Christmas. I'll keep checking on you.

[Startingover2]

I just posted in your thread Blindsided. I am glad you had fun with his family.

I have yet to open H's gift. He says its something that will make me feel good, whatever that means. I just got him this little book.."What Daughters Need in a Dad"...little quotes and sayings. I hope that some of them will make him feel like crap. I had bought that book so long ago.

Xmas Eve....I had such high hopes for this Xmas. Its really hard because I know if I allow it H will go back to the cake eating and coming and going when he feels like it mode so when I get down its tough and I have to stay focused.

[Startingover2]

I opened the gift from H. I wanted to do it when my kids were not around and staring at me looking for my meltdown. It was a spa foot bath thing. I mentioned once to him that at the end of the day my feet hurt and Im tired.

Whatever.

I opened the gift from H. I wanted to do it when my kids were not around and staring at me looking for my meltdown. It was a spa foot bath thing. I mentioned once to him that at the end of the day my feet hurt and Im tired.

You don't sound awfully enthused about it...

[Startingover2]

I opened the gift from H. I wanted to do it when my kids were not around and staring at me looking for my meltdown. It was a spa foot bath thing. I mentioned once to him that at the end of the day my feet hurt and Im tired.

You don't sound awfully enthused about it...

How did you guess? LOL It just made me shake my head. It was a nice gesture and all and if he was normal I probably would have liked it better. But given the sich, and how he has pretty much left the rest of this pregnancy up to me alone it was more irritating.

[JennyF]

Hey SO2,
I know what you mean. My H asked if I wanted anything from the liquor store and I asked him to grab me a couple bottles of wine. My Mom was saying "oh that was nice of him" as if it was the most grand gesture. All I could say was the same as you...yeah, whatever. I told my Mom that his medal is in the mail. Seems those small gestures are just that...small and no where near what they should be doing so it's a little hard to get enthused about it.
HOWEVER...in the spirit of PMA and the season, I suppose we should grateful for every little thing we can.
Wishing you a Merry Christmas S02!
J~