Thanks Dry Heat, Southern Girl, and Corri for the support.
Southern Girl, I will be tending the fences pretty heavily and IC had better be doing the same. Hindsight is 20/20 and having looked back at how we were at the time of the f*ck-up, there was not much tending going on...for either of us. We both were in serious danger of this happening to either one of us.
Corri, I'm not beating myself up over this. I've actually been amazingly clear, for me anyways, on my thinking. The hurt is still there and will be for a long, long, long ass time. I don't feel mean about my boundaries...they are what they are and IC will have to abide by them if he wants to make amends. When and if you get time, I would love to discuss some boundary issuse with you as you seem to have gotten a firm grasp on yours.
After having some time to think about all of what has happened from then until now, some things came into play that swayed my choice to allow IC and second chance. Things had not been good for the IC's for a long, long time...we were very disconnected from each other. I can't speak for IC, but I feel that we had lost some of our desire for each other and it was to the point of being on the verge of divorce....and personally, I didn't care!
About a month ago, I stumbled upon his stash....a small fortune in self-help marriage and relationship bulding books with the pages well worn from his many readings....he cared!
Eye-openers come in many forms...some are painful. There is no doubt in my mind that we were headed for divorce, revealing a ONS, would have sealed the deal for me. An eye-opener for IC? Only he can answer that, but looking back at the time line of his actions...I can only believe that it was. The books, the arrival on these boards, the changes that he made to himself for himself, but also for the sake of hopefully saving our marriage. It was working, things were good for us...no I take that back...things were great for us! Desire for him has been at an all time high.
I think back to the fork in the road...IC took the path of a ONS. Where would we be if he had just eaten his meal, watched the game and went home? Nobody will ever know, it didn't happen...but would have another eye-opener appeared? One can only guess.
People can condemn IC for what he did...I know I have. I get the feeling from talking with him and from what I know of him, that nobody will condemn IC more than IC himself. His past actions have showed me that he cares and why I'm giving him another chance. His future actions will dictate my forgiveness. It's there IC, it's there for you to have if you show me what I think you can. Knowing you IC I do, the hardest person he'll ever get forgiveness from is himself and I'm hoping someday he'll find it in his heart to do so.
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season and thank you all sooo much for the support.
A special thank you to Saffie and Red for all the e-mails...you two are sweethearts.
