Bullspit! Love is not, "I want to have sex with you". Love is not "I remember having sex with you and it was fun." Love is not "I am attracted to him" or "He enjoys having sex with me." These are all great things, but none of them are love.
He is leaving you, and that is not a loving act. Period. He may have loved you once, and he may love you again, but right now he is not loving you. He is tearing apart something you value and cherish, and that is no act of love.
This is not an indictment of him. Nor of you. Possibly, he cannot love you, at this time. But the fact remains that he is not acting in a loving way. I don't mean he is a worthless piece of dung. I mean he is not loving you. He isn't! This hurts, but ... face it!
Get a hold of yourself. Detach. Leave him alone. Stop pursuing him.
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I do SO wish this situation wasn't what it is.
Of course you do. That's normal. BUT.... It IS WHAT IT IS. Stop wishing. Start dealing. I know it stinks. You don't deserve this. You deserve honesty, and straight talking, and commitment. But you're not getting it.
Do you want a guy who tears your heart out, teases you, spouts nonsense about "nothing is forever" while he is forcing the absolute disruption of your life? Are you ready to settle for that person, ready to be satisfied with what used to be, satisfied that he'll have sex with you once in a while? YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Stop settling.
Be strong. For yourself.
This does not mean "leave him now." or "Fast track the divorce." Or "be angry." It might not even mean "stop having sex with him." It means, instead, develop your strength, your composure and self respect. If you want to have sex with him, great. That might be really good for both of you. But don't go freaking out afterwards.
Go on with your life. Seek happiness with or without him, even if you would *prefer* to be with him, for now. if you want your own place, GET IT.
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if I start to turn him down, then maybe the last time we were together really WILL be the LAST time we were together.
Is that what you want? you want a sex relationship? Those are EASY. You can get those anywhere! But that's not really what you want, is it?
If I read you right, you want intimacy, trust, commitment. You want someone to share life with, not someone who only wants to share a bed. You want a life partner, not a sex partner. It's hard because the sex is such a strong sign of intimacy. In your mind, maybe sex means you have that loving trusting relationship. But you don't. You have the (once-in-a-while) sex relationship, and you have an alien, selfish, jerk.
About the ups and downs. Crying one minute, and calm the next. It's normal. Be patient with yourself.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
