formless utterings...

[sgctxok]

Gotta do this in pieces...and I'm doing it a little backwards.



I'd also really like to see the divorce dropped, and live just as "separated" people for a while. But if I even brought that up to her, I figure she'd see that as "controlling"; of me wanting to "keep her trapped" or something.


that's a true statement...so you know it's something you haven't changed in your dance that is more important...to her...than what you have changed

[/b]


over the fact that I planned some events recently with our children, and "invited her"... but didnt _plan_with_her_.


I can listen all I want, quietly... and then I'm expected to agree with what she wants to do.
Any attempt to discuss, or debate "that doesnt make sense to me, what about...?", is met with complaints that I'm "not treating her as an intelligent rational person".



I know that she is intelligent.
I know this, because when I raise a point that she has an answer for, she calmly and rationally talks it out. However, she is also smart enough to figure out when I raise a valid point to which she does not have an answer for, before I even completely describe it..and then often REFUSES to let me finish describing the relevant point!





Here's the sense I get.

But it seems as though she feels you are in the upperhand situation and is trying to even it out. As though you calling her intelligent puts you in the teacher position, or dad position....

It probably didn't start out this way....she may well have just interpreted things this way, and your trying to make it better gets twisted.

To me, it seems ... you're a leader. And she is attracted to that, but is also struggling to be independent of that to assert herself. Like a teenager.

I think...that to do a 180 here would mean to not offer your opinion and get into a 'lively' discussion. So next time...just listen and then try saying something like....

'I'll have to think about that.'

Or ask her more questions that pull something out of her...that let her talk more about HER opinion...things that are fact-finding with her. As if you just met her. That just struck me. That's what she likes about these new guys. When they just meet her, they are all about her and they try to find out what she likes, and what she's about. Pretend you just met her.



I have a sense...correct me if I'm wrong....that you think things through and are very analytical. And that you've been through enough of her discussions and unfair fighting that it's time that your point comes through.

But you won't win that way.....and I think you can win.

Let her lead the way a bit....planning the family trips, evenings whatever.


Do this 180 well enough to shock her and I think she'd be back in fairly short order.