formless utterings...

[Dom R]

post was getting too long, so splitting it up


With the "doing more family stuff together", "more things or more often?" question: i would have to say "yes" either/or both would be good. Dont know how to get there. I had hoped that my offering her more money every month would work.
Unfortunately: not.
I invite her to do things together often. She turns them down.
I have asked her once or twice what would make her feel more comfortable doing more stuff together. She doesnt give me an answer.

So.. any suggestions as to either additional goals, or how to achieve the above ones more effectively?
and/or, please tell me what I'm missing, that she's missing.

I admire guys who are great dads.....the kids need you so much.

Thanks I really miss them when I'm not with them. She says that she misses them too, and is depressed when they arent with her. yet she does nothing to come see them on my time. I have invited her many times... THEY have called her and asked her to come... but she almost never does.
it's sad. the little guys have mostly stopped asking.. not because they dont want her to come .. but simply because she keeps turning them down, and they cant deal with the rejection from their mother any more.

The same thing the other way around... they told me that they kept asking her if I could come over, when SHE has them. But she kept telling them "no", so they gave up asking her
Well, technically she conflict-avoids by telling them "maybe" or "we'll see", and they are finally old enough to understand that from her, that means "no".