Relational Equality vs, Relational Equivalency

[Stigmata]

Where the heck did you come from? Sigh. Another post to respond to.

Sure, blame the mother. LOL. I remember hanging out with a good fellow easy-going earth mother type friend when both of our sons were around 2 and it was like we'd look up from our coffee and gossip and say "I guess we ought to take the kids to the park. They've been sitting there playing with themselves for about an hour now. They must be bored."

Good show Mojo. Good to see some moms comfortable/unfazed with/by their sons' sexual exploration.

Of course, in my sich, it was never that clear. My 2bx would tell me to be more submissive one week and more dominant the next. Maybe I'm wrong but I think a lot of guys will vibe more submissive if they're depressed or in a situation that renders them submissive outside of the sexual arena. The most dominant I ever remember my 2bx being was on an occasion where he had just quit a job and basically told his boss to f*ck-off.

No, don't think you're wrong. Good observation. One way I fd up pretty bad was to just MB whenever I was super stressed/feeling depressed without thinking how that was affecting my biology -x's desireability ... cause it was quicker/less hassle and I was sometimes lazy/wiped out. Hence arrogantly assumed if x wanted it she can pull it out whenever she wanted or say gimme gimme gimme, wanna jump on your jimmy.

Of course, after reading the SSM posts and seeing the F's level of feeling invalidated from such behavior I was left mortified and regretful. Just assumed all Fs thought like Ms, ie, "if I want something, I speak up." That's how my simple brain works. You mean hers doesn't? scritchscritchscritch.

Course for my M compadres, that's no excuse for sucking/Fing OMs ccks on the sly while hiding massive resentment with a poker face.

The post-boss stuff is understandable. Unfortunately I think your STBex needed to get his juices flowing more often, possibbly via sweaty exercise. The fear from quitting a steady job, yelling at a boss drives adrenaline, amongst other chemicals, and topping you that way is a way to reassert control over his newly uncontrolled environment.

It's why a study showed that Ms walking across a scary suspension bridge to an F researcher on the other side called the F researcher nearly every time and often flirted on the phone after she told them to call her if they wished to talk about the experience. It turned them on at some level and she was the first face they saw.

The same instructions during a non fear-based task with the same F researcher did not yield the same responses. It had nothing to do with her looks either.

You might not be reflecting on my sich but I assure you I initiated sex quite aggressively on occasion and was rejected. Everybody wants their partner to initiate sometimes. Most people prefer that the male initiates 2/3 of the time.

No, wasn't reflecting on the Mojos. What most people don't know is the F initiates nearly 75% of the time; but neither party is privvy to the transaction. F monkeys actually go over to the Ms and lift them to their feet before presenting their rear ends when they're in heat. Humans it's more subtle. Since 93% of human communication is via body language the Ms often miss the cues but they're there ... and the Fs initiate them most of the time even if they don't realize it.

Mr. Mojo rejecting you wasn't about you, Mojo.

Actually, that's where I take issue with GP. Some of your convos with GP annoyed me, admittedly.

Mr. Mojo does not not like you, as GP suggested. Just the opposite. I would say he always loved you, in fact. Still does, I bet.

IMO he he does not like himself very much, if at all.

Your carefree way was at odds with his obvious self-loathing demeanor and he probably resented the fact that you could not feel what it was like to be so miserable. Hence his nasty comments to you. Reflexive lashing out to try and bring you down to his level and comfort him.

Misery and company sometimes do make good bedfellows -- that's why there's an amazingly entrenched saying about it.

In many ways it was symbiotic and a natural attraction. Your so-called cow's innate need to nurse a broken boy back to happy health if she can taps into the core of most Fs drive to nurture others. Think you more or less have said as much.

Whereas on his side, his lost surly boy needed a rescueing upbeat good-hearted F to maybe help him find his way out to like himself and be a purpose-driven man.

Of course, that's a btich to maintain attraction in that dynamic. But not impossible. I think things might have been different if STBex understood his own behavior via standing objectivley )as is possible) outside himself with observing ego instead of wallowing in his own perceived victim of life disempowerment.

I do think there's a chance he will realize what he's lost and change for him --not you.

Unfortunately at the regrettable expense of your near 20 year R, (which is nothing to sneeze at) you cannot do this for him, as you already know since you're a smart cookie.

So, while I believe all LTRs, outside of drugs/bad booze addiction/serious mental disorders, can survive with communication and patience, I also realize that you do not have time to wait around and bet your entire life savings on a 70-1 longshot at your local horse track ... especially when the entire outcome is dependent on an injured horse (no, I won't say "lame." I don't believe in cheap shots towards those in absentia.) and a suspect jockey.

-Stigmata-

PS. I have no problem jacking BF's thread without explanation. We're both big boys who julienned our puppies quite thoroughly and know it's all good.