Thanks everyone. I am doing better. I spent the afternoon with my babies and we wrapped gifts and made a looooong paper chain with the remnants. They just had dinner and I am going to get them ready for bed. When H gets home I am going out. Where, I don't know, but out.
Michael, thank you for that reminder. This is my Christmas too, and I'll choose to make it the best I can. Luckily during all the family functions tomorrow, H will be working, so it will just be the 3 ladies. Christmas all day together with H, but then I am back to work.
Ellis, I have asked him to go. Many times. He won't leave until the house is 'settled' ("If I have to pay on this house, I am staying")
lwb - I am constantly in awe of you. Have the best Christmas you can. One day that husband of yours is going to remove his head from his A$$ and see just what a wonderful woman he has lost - I just hope it is not too late. You deserve so much better.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I have asked him to go. Many times. He won't leave until the house is 'settled' ("If I have to pay on this house, I am staying")
I am all to familiar with this... H filed and we're still living together. At times it is absolutely horrible and at others it's bearable. Good for you for going out when he gets home. That's my biggest challenge... I need to start living my life for me and that's what you are doing. As everyone tells me, you can't control him - you can only control you..
Hi lwb. I'm so sorry to hear the latest selfish behavior from your H. It would be nice if he were a little rational and was capable of thinking about what he is doing. I know it is little consolation, but he will regret all of this some day. It is inevitable.
hey lwb, talk to your lawyer about him leaving. mine actually told me what to say to get him to go if he put up a fuss about it. (can't remember her exact words now, that was in april). honestly, if you want him gone, I think there has to be a way to get him out of there.
oh, and I'd be running over that tacky-ass bracelet with my car on my way out tonight.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I used to be jealous of those of you whose spouses are still under the same roof. It seemed like that was the majority of my comrades here, and I was one of the minority. And it seems impossible to realize any true benefits from DB'ing when the WAS has you out of the picture and can effectively ignore your changes. And going dark, or GAL is invisible and has less impact on the W because she's not around to see it.
But while I still wish that my MIL was not squatting over at my house, and making it nigh impossible for even the possibility of an in-house separation, I now have come to realizing that that this physical separation has allowed me to better heal. Every time I interact with my WAS, as infrequent as it now is, I again feel the sharp stabbing pain of her hostility. I recall the lack of respect from my W and her seething anger and pent-up rage that caused so much grief in my life, and contributed to my severe depression. I just realize now that without that persistent hostility weighing on my subconscious, coming as it did from the one person I had swore to love the rest of my life, ... it has actually been a relief.
I realize now that God had saved me from a worse fate, that had this persisted much longer, I would not be here as I am today. Yes, this all still hurts so very much, but had my pre-bomb situation persisted, I would have broken down and collapsed, spiritually and mentally.
You are so very strong. I really admire you, Lwb. I know that if you can survive the "meat-grinder" of constantly being exposed to your spouse's foolish transgressions, you can make it separated from that. Yes, it is terrifying, especially at first, but no more so -- you've already been through worse.
The only regret I still have is what this is doing to my S's -- this is not easy on them. It never is, despite what anyone tells us.
NoCode, it used to terrify me when H would discuss moving out. Now I pray for the peace. I see now that there is nothing left to do but separate at this point. I will not prolong our separation if he continues to see OW. I will file. I will anti DB myself and do the legwork and the research.
I feel a lot better today. After 2 nights of hardly any sleep, I got a great night's sleep. The girls are having a great morning and I am totally prepared for the holidays and am looking forward to it now.
Man, I'm so sorry about you seeing the bracelet. That pisses me off. Why leave it out like that? That's such BS. I know my H gave OW something for Christmas too. I'd bet he's spent more time picking out things for her and concentrating on her than he has his own D. Now that makes me mad.
I know what you mean about the odd calm though. I don't think that calm will last long around here after Christmas though.
I hope you have a good Christmas despite all the sh*t. Remember, I gave you my number. Call me if you need.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
