Dom, I can tell you that I understand how you are feeling and have been there myself.
I struggled between the fine line of what was for me and what was for her. What had to happen was for me to quit worrying about what I needed to do for her and change things to be about me.
I read your goals and wonder why they all focus on her? I would love to see you set goals that have to do with what YOU want to change about yourself. For example, one of mine is :
"I want to be more open and honest about my finances and not be afraid of people being disappointed in me."
Now this is for me, it is measurable, and it also encompasses many people including my STBX.
One thing I want to say to you is you must let go of the R and focus on yourself more. You do have a chance with her from what I have read, but if you continue to worry about what to do for her, you will push her further away.
SG is right that you need to understand what is important to her, but you also have to decide if what is important to her is part of who you want to be. You cannot change yourself into something that you are not in this process.
Your posts tell me that you are a very smart and have your head together when it comes to seeing other peoples situations. Now if we can just get you to put that focus on yourself (which took me months by the way).
