I've been struggling with a lot of things that last few days.... hurt, sadness, betrayal of trust, anger, and yes....love. I love IC, but yet he stepped over a very hard boundary of mine. One that until now, I never imagined I would have to enforce with him. I'm faced with a very difficult decision for me. Do I A). Stick to my boundary and kick IC to the curb or B). Allow IC this one lone mulligan...but then what becomes of my boundaries? I have not contemplated a C,D,E, or F but they might be out there.

If I do A), who is going to win from that? IC is a dynamic, charming, loving individual that until just a few short days ago, I invisioned spending the rest of my life with. I feared losing this man to cancer and not being able to have the opportunity to share life with him. Now I've been dealt the choice, MY CHOICE , of whether I desire to end our lives together as we know it and cut IC out of my life as much as this would do, or try to see past this and maybe regain a glimpse of what we had...just a few short days ago.

I don't feel I've made this choice in haste. I don't know if this is a popular choice amongst the folks on the board, and personally, I don't care...it's MY CHOICE. IC, I'm giving you the gift of a second chance. What you choose to do with this gift is entirely up to you....there is NO third chance ;\) Does this mean that you are off the hook? NO! We still have lots of issues that WILL be dealt with and how you handle them WILL determine whether you get to keep that gift. I've reserved the right to take it back and you WILL NOT recieve it again...AM I CLEAR?

This is NOT going to be easy for you. You have been very open, humble and honest with me with everything that I have asked. Have you earned my trust? HELL NO! I have NO trust in you and if I feel the need to lock your genitals up in some medieval chastity device until I feel I can trust you...I WILL! What you have been given, is the chance to try and rebuild my trust in you. My advice to you...DON'T F*CK IT UP!

Have I made myself clear?


PS. To everyone out there that showed hugs and support for me, thank you. I'm hurting, but I am strong and will be ok \:\)