Hmmm...the only thing I might suggest is that when you have vanilla sex with him you think along the lines of "I'm going to f*ck him back." even though he isn't giving you the dominant vibe of "I'm going to f*ck you." to get you started. I guess I'm thinking that it must be the case that he is turned-off at the thought of you being submissive for the same reason that you are turned off at the thought of him being submissive. He sees women as weak or squishy or something like that in the submissive role and finds that unappealing.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
