What did you mean that based on my statement about what he has in the house it doesn't seem like he is carrying on a relationship with this woman?
Your initial description sounded quite spartan. And with the added information about selling the house this makes sense. The place has to look lived-in.
Quote:
he is hiding this "relationship".
Maybe, he doesn't want you to call her. The point being you only know what you know. I do understand that two people who are going through difficulties can go down the wrong path, but there is not much you can do about that should it happen. Also, thinking about it will only drive you up a wall. You can't be on pins and needles if you want to save your marriage. Until you have any real evidence of hanky panky, don't let yourself consider anything here. And don't go looking for it.
Quote:
You also said that I need to be understanding while he tries to figure things out. I have changed my attitude over these last few weeks.
Good. I at times, use the drug addict in pointing out that we don't accept bad behavior. However, I do accept that notion if it will help you deal with the man. Again, remember you are the one with the "right" frame of mind. It's hard to do. And these tough times do put us in a crisi of our own.
Quote:
She wants me to dump him.
I was lucky. I lived 350 miles from my family. It made it easier to keep this stuff away from them, except for my SIL who I called quite a bit (she told my bro, but I trusted them more than anyone else). I never confided in my best friend because I didn't want to sully any relationships should my wife (now ex) worked things out. The good thing with my best buddy is we don;t have any of it hanging over our heads. I did however seek out people who went before me in struggles and came out on the other side. Example. A man I went to grad school with. He had a failed marriage many years ago. His wife left him. By the time I met him, he had been remarried. This is the type of person who can really lend insight. Also, I sought out professional mental health care. They have to keep things confidential.
Quote:
I have to tell you though, that it is getting easier to live w/o him.
I remember the first night I moved into my apartment. I fell on the bed, looked at the ceiling, and let out a huge breath of relief.
Quote:
He has a hard time just enjoying life-everything has to be a chore.
Was he like this before his father took ill? Also, I was curious when you said he tried so hard to save his father for 11 months. Did you have a sense for that dynamic? It seems more than just going to the hospital to be there for his father. My father was in nursing care for a few years. We knew his state of health and visited him, but we didn't pour our whole existence into him.
MrsLBW, I also want you to know that I think too many around here place all their bets on MLC and I don't buy it many times. In your case, I see a very definite event with a well-defined time period of quixotic behavior which could propel someone off the deep end. Even with my mother, she died 15 years ago, She was ill for 6 months or so. While we, her family, were involved the best we can, it was much different than your h in that we could see what was happening and that we really couldn't do much about it.
