Party was ok...got a bit down everyone asking how I was doing on anniversary. Woke up at 3:00am, typical if you go to bed at fricking 8. Anyhow, went x-mas shopping for 5D and the pets at WAW's. That was not nearly as fun as thought it was going to be. Oh well, try again in a little while. Just not the same without WAW. Time to go back to bed...I'll keep up the PMA...she will come back one day...I know it.
More sleep did wonders...feel great again. Back to the x-mas shopping. Got to re-buy WAW's gifts from 5D. They are no where to be found not like I have a lot of places to look in the bare house I am in. Try to find the last few things on 5D's list...
That is why i leave all the shopping to WAW (i hate shopping on a normal day, but the weekend nefore Christmas???? OUCH!!!!)Incidentally, I still did not buy her a gift or a card. I have a hunch that if there is no gift it will send the wrong message (i don't care anymore). But what to buy?
Well, WAW and use to go shopping then celebrate wedding anniversary on 21st, so this is old hat for me.
Anyhow, did great shopping. 5D wish list in paper from school. Already had a few things, knew of all but one of the others. Basically, every gift is something we can spend time doing together, a real bonus.
I learned about month or two ago that the main thing that made very unhappy for last several years was the inability to do what I wanted to provide/care for my family the way I thought was acceptable, such as house, vacations, getaways, dinners out, furnishing, etc... So, with that in mind, I got everything and anything I wanted for 5D. I felt so good and happy when I found the last thing I was looking for that I know she really wants. I was in a great mood traveling that hour back to the house...just content knowing I did what I wanted to for 5D. It brought me a lot of happiness. And I'll get to repeat it every time she wants me to join in the fun. Perhaps, I went overboard...Doesn't matter, I wanted to and would do it again. Makes me happy.
I am still curious if WAW will want to see what I got 5D, x-mas eve at 8:00. If she does, I think she will be shocked. But, I suppose it doesn't matter I did not do it for her, I did it for 5D and myself.
Oh, I did resolve the WAW gift thingy. I did not get her anything except for gifts from 5D(I repurchased everything). If necessary, I do have a book/dvd combo that is still sealed. I may frame 5D school picture and give to her from Jesus. Regardless, I believe she will not bring me anything not even from 5D. I say this because she will not give me any hope unless she wants it to be obvious. For example, she won't hold my hand. So, if she reaches out to do that...u get the point.
Going to get stocking stuffers for 5D...woke up missing WAW. Guess I need to detach more when waking up. Woke up wondering what x-mas eve will be like. I know she and 5D will be out of town today and probably tomorrow doing x-mas. Wonder what's going through her head. No telling. It would be real easy for her to give me hope that x-mas eve. Simply staying to see 5D gifts, any time together would be nice...who knows. Happy with myself and the time 5D and I will have...maybe that will be obvious.
Well, I think I am officially overboard on x-mas for 5D. Makes me happy so I don't really care. I got an 8ft inflatable Snowman for the yard, lights and snow for the hallway to decorate x-mas eve night while 5D asleep, and some more stocking stuff. Too bad I can't ask 5D for video recorder...I sure would like to preserve it all. Maybe she'll want to come x-mas morning...ha ha..not likely but never can tell.
PMA like a roller-coaster today. Got 2x3 frame to put 5D picture in for WAW. I am going to say to: WAW from: Jesus. Simple item. I almost lost it in the store. Blah blah...took a nap, didn't exactly help.
Maybe, I am more anxious about WAW coming at 8:00 x-mas eve than anything. I can't imagine WAW not dealing with similar emotions when shopping, missing 5D, etc...
Decided to make a soup this evening...house will smell good and it's one WAW use to make that I really like.
Had to pass WAW's place to get x-mas gift bags this morning. Looks like she didn't get to go or did not stay long visiting relatives out of town. Can't help but think this helps me out. Her x-mas eve will not be as fun with only her parents. She just seems so lonely right now. Of course, I am not a solution....YET.
Looking forward to seeing WAW at 8:00pm tonight. Even if it is as brief as she can possibly make it, PMA is in right place. And besides, 5D is spending next few nights with me. Get to do Santa and everything. Wish I could invite WAW for x-mas morning but I know I can't/shouldn't unless she gives me an obvious clue.
