Thanks for your thoughts. I don't know how to carry over a quote so...
What did you mean that based on my statement about what he has in the house it doesn't seem like he is carrying on a relationship with this woman?
He has a king size bed-he bought drapes to match the comforter and he has candles all over the place! The house is for sale and he said that the candles he lights before the realtor brings anyone over to make the house smell better after he cooks. He is hiding this "relationship". He doesn't want anyone to know he is seeing anyone else. He has cut himself off from most of his friends except for one and that friend doesn't want to talk about any of this with him or anyone else.
You also said that I need to be understanding while he tries to figure things out. I have changed my attitude over these last few weeks. I'm rationalizing it in my head this way: If he were very ill I would stand by him or if he were a drug addict I would do what it takes to help him through it. And drug addicts will deny that they have a problem and need to come to that realization themselves-no one can tell them they need help.
I have stopped telling my mother everything because she has no patience for what he has done to me and the kids. She wants me to dump him. And unfortunately, it has made things harder for him to come back probably because of it. My sister and especially my BIL have kept in contact with him to keep things ok between them.
I have to tell you though, that it is getting easier to live w/o him. As much as I love him and want him back, it's been nice not having a pessimist living here. I have had to struggle with that for years. I'm the optimist- he is a glass is half empty kind of guy. He has a hard time just enjoying life-everything has to be a chore.
Me:45 H: 45 M: 14 yrs T: 16 yrs D's: 7/11 Bomb: June '07 Moved out: Sept.'07
