Thanks for your concern Trixi. I have legal advice. My attorney does not counsel me to move back in, but some other attorneys (who I am not paying) have counseled exactly that.
Like I said , I am trying to balance, to walk the line. I'd still like to reconcile which means I don't want to be provocative and argumentative. On the other hand, I do need to protect my legal rights. I'm trying to figure out that balance.
While W has said to me privately "you never spent any time with the kids" and "you were never involved", these are flat lies, maybe something she invented to make herself feel better about "her case" and what she is doing. I have the kids now for 5 days before Christmas. It's nice to spend time with them!
on the question of selling the house she is living in - I floated the idea to her, both in person and through my attorney, that I would like to consider moving back to Pittsburgh. My attorney asked me lots of questions, like
where would you live? (the house we still own)
what about schools? (right nearby, same schools they left a year ago)
what about your job? (already discussed with my boss - a work-from-home arrangement)
what about the kids' friends? (tons of friends back in the old neighborhood)
where are your parents? her parents? (they are near where I would move)
what about OM? if he is back there, then that could be a reason for her to object to moving. (he is not there)
on the other hand if OM is where we live now, and if she has an active relationship with him that could lead to more, that could be a reason for her to object to moving. (he is not here either, and she tells me she has no active relationship with the man.)
In the end my attorney said "it makes a lot of sense; i don't know why you wouldn't move back."
W reacted poorly to the idea. I first mentioned it on the phone about a week ago. I described it as something I was considering, not something that was decided. I explained why I was considering it. She called me irrational, said I was acting unilaterally and unfairly, said I was making an emotional decision. It was surreal. I requested that we stop arguing, then I spoke with my kids, who were with her at the time. Then I spoke with W again after all the kids. I apologized for the "surprise". She again started up with the argument. I told her I did not want to argue about it, only wanted to apologize for the surprise; suggested maybe we could set up some time to talk about it more calmly. She agreed but reluctantly. I was calm the entire time.
[Just as with all the other times I am sure she will report this as me being "angry". Any time she disagrees with me she believes and remembers me as "angry" regardless how quiet and calm my voice is.]
My attorney also contacted her attorney with the same idea.
Nothing back yet, from either of these efforts.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
