All Hope is lost/Help - Part 2

[Evie]

Thanks J - nice to know i'm on the right track.

It seems like some communication from me works, but I need to bear in mind what and how I say things, to remember the DB rules and to bear in mind if what i'm about to do will it bring me closer to my goal.

H was ill with a bad stomach upset on the night all the above happened, whether it was a bug or whether he had got himself worked up I don't know, but he was up and skiing yesterday.

I sent another follow up text to H yesterday, it was a mixture of advice from both of you J & 25yrs, hope you don't mind.

H had txt me midday so it was in a way a good opener, here it is:

Sounds like you've had a great day! Your text last night gave me alot too think about. If I could do things over i'd do many things differently. I don't want toohurt you anymore. I'm glad I've had this opportunity too grow and change for the better. It does take two too have problems in a marriage, but one too end it, I wanted to get through it together, you chose to leave. I'm sorry that your life at the moment isn't great, tell me what you want from me & i'll do my best to do it? I think we need too look forwards not back. We're both hurting so lets just take things slowly?

I wanted to say more about his rejection and revising our history and who is the most hurt etc but decided not to add anything b/c if he is still angry, it wouldn't have achieved anything and he generally likes to have the last word. Hopefully i have accomplised much?


H hasn't answered that text or the text that I sent earlier in the day. I waited for the suggested time to call last night and when H hadn't rung me I called him. I didn't want him to think I was being stubborn by not calling, which is what the old me would have done. The call went to voicemail, but I didn't leave a message. H txted later to apologise for missing the call etc he was now finishing the packing. The tone was nice, which is good b/c I was worried I had gone too far with the text. When I have txted/emailed stuff like this before, I don't think he has replied, but I think it does get him thinking...

I'm off to make myself beautiful now and prepare S1 favorite dinner (mommy hat back on). Wish me luck.

J - i'm a fixer too, I think it comes from always having to be self reliant, it's also part of my job to be well organised and fast paced and it's not any different when I come home. H is a wonderful person, very generous in terms of money (just not himself), so i'm the one everyone turns to, and i've become too bogged down with everyones needs that my own have become suffocated. I feel i'm tredding water at the moment, so thats a positive. I love D1 and miss her but she was so emotionally demanding from me, maybe I don't cope well with to much neediness or maybe I'm not such a good mom, I think i am, but D2 accuses me of been to stressy over little things, but I like my house tidy and I do expect her to tidy up after herself and to do chores, I don't think thats unresonable. I flipped the other day - she had taken the toilet roll from my toilet for her toilet b/c she said there wasn't any in the cupboard, there were spares in the downstairs toilet and in the cupboard, but she chose to take mine and i didn't notice until I had USED the toilet, luckily I had a tissue in my pocket, but would that make others mad?

J - What other 180's did you do? Why did you go into depression?

J - I also wanted to talk about your comment 'do what works' 'been less available isn't working'? i'm not really sure what is working atm? its obviously got him thinking this week with me not being around & a bit mysterious, so surely thats a positive? But on the other hand how do I become available without being to available/vulnerable/needy? If i can clarify this then maybe I can set some goals that I can monitoe atm i feel i'm plodding on aimlessly with no purpose or direction or nothing clear of what does and doesn't work??


Thank you for reading, any advice on my text would be most appreciated.

Happy sunday

Love E xx