The New Adventures of Supermom...Part 3

[JennyF]

Here goes thread #3...
JennyF's 1st Thread

JennyF's 2nd Thread

SG, your last post before my thread locked...

My gosh, you so did the right thing.

I divorced after 10 years of marriage and I sought the divorce. Still, I so missed his family. And 13 years later...I'm welcome back, and he isn't always. But I live over 300 miles away...


Anyway...I feel what you're missing.


You did an AWESOME job!!! Really you couldn't have done better.


Wishing you wonderful holidays.

Thanks SG. It's funny that you put such a positive spin on how I handled it...I am definitely not feeling that. Not that I feel I did any damage by crying, but I'm just feeling so down that I can't see that I'm doing well at anything.

I went out shopping and after 2 stores I decided to stop at Starbucks for an Egg Nog Latte...well with James Taylor playing ("You just call out my name and you know wherever I am, I'll come running...to see you again") it was all I could do to keep from melting down while I waited for my coffee. My eyes were welling up the whole time. Anyone who would have looked at me would have noticed. As soon as I got in the car I lost it. Drove home through the tears and cried my heart out for at least an hour after. I haven't cried like that in weeks. I don't know that I've ever felt this amount of hurt and loneliness...ever. I just don't get it.

ANYWAY...I feel as though starting a new thread I want to put a positive spin on this. So this is my best attempt to pick myself up and dust myself off.

Today I am grateful for...
- The fun that D and I had decorating G-bread men this morning
- The beautifully decorated hand made frames that D me in preschool
- My supportive friends and family who even though they couldn't do anything, just listened to me cry and were there for me. Thank God for them.
- My Egg Nog Latte...it was yummy.
- My son. Tonight as I cried and held him he was fussing a bit. I put my hand on his chest and with both hands he grabbed a hold of my hand and he squeezed. He didn't let go. He stopped fussing and he just held my hand tight. At 9 weeks old he somehow knew I needed that...my little angel. Thank God for him.
- I am grateful for these BB's.

H is keeping D until Monday. I plan to wrap presents tomorrow and make sure I've got all this crying and sadness out of my system so that come Monday...I am ready to enjoy Christmas with my D. I can't wait to put out cookies and milk for Santa and watch her face as she opens her presents.
I am truly blessed in so many ways.
J~

[phbear316]

Jenny

you continue to amaze me, you are such an inspiration to me and others here.

remember don't forget the carrots for the reindeer, they get hungry too. LOL

hugs
bear

[sgctxok]

YOu're rockin.

So many people not even in your situation have a hard time with the holidays.


Someone at work lost her 21 year old son in a freak accident over the summer and she is more than devastated. To get through the days...she writes 3 things (no more, no less) that she's is thankful for that happened THAT DAY. I am so amazed at that.


Your thankfulness will get you through.

[Startingover2]

Jenny

Thanks for writing that grateful post. I keep watching your thread for support and strength in my own situation. The times I think I can't do this alone with this baby I go and read your thread. You are doing it and being grateful as well.

I love this little girl I am carrying so much. She means so much to me, but I get caught up in the anger, sadness and drama of all of the mess and forget she is a beautiful innocent child that needs me to have it together. She is a blessing no matter what her father is doing. Thank you for reminding me of that.

[JennyF]

bear, SG & SO2,
Thanks for your kind words. I don't always feel strong or that I'm doing well, but when I read responses like these I realize maybe I'm doing better than I give myself credit for.

S02....I remember feeling exactly the same you do while I was pregnant. The guilt over feeling that way and what it was doing to the baby overwhelmed me. You are right, they are beautiful innocent children who deserve the very best in life. That's where my strength comes from. I may not always have it together...but last night my S was the one who got me through. These little angels are amazing in their own right.
Give your belly a little rub from me!!
J~

[need2change]

SO2 and JennyF, I am not even sure what to say. I find your inspiration so amazing. Reading your stories makes my situation seem so easy to handle.
When I was drinking I did not spend that much time with my kids, I am now discovering just how much fun my kids are. When I need to find love, I look to them and they smile, that smile from my D or my S laugh always make me melt inside. I love to see that.
Hang in there, we can all make it through this.

Merry Christmas to you.

[JennyF]

H brought D home around lunch time today. He held S for 1/2 hour and then went out to do some errands. Asked if I wanted anything at the liquor store and I asked him to pick up a couple bottles of wine. He came back and stayed for only 20 minutes and then left. He made the arrangements for what time he was going to back in the morning to watch D open her presents.

I was kind of expecting that he was going to come by tonight to help put D to bed (you know...cookies for Santa and all that stuff)...but obviously not. I wasn't really surprised, but I did start to well up as I said good-bye to him. I couldn't look at him. I was baking so I just kept doing what I was doing and tried to not look up. I caught his eyes looking at me briefly and if I hadn't looked away so quickly I may have sworn that I saw some emotion and perhaps he was even welled up a bit. I doubt it though...probably just my wishful thinking.

I kind of hope that he finds a reason to call me later...I don't know why but I feel as though I'm looking for sign that he is at least thinking about me in some shape or form. I know this is bad, but I can't help it.

So...it's just me and my kids. I've cried enough over the last 3 days that I think it's out of my system. When D wakes up from her nap we're going to do something really fun.
Merry Christmas to everyone! Hope you find peace in your heart tonight.
J~

[blindsided1]

I know it's really hard Jenny. I get the pleasure of knowing my H is having his Xmas with OW tonight. I will be with his family and he won't. He'll be with strangers. I'm really sad today, as well. I'll be spending some time with him tomorrow, but that's all, just the morning. I hate this feeling right now. I'm sure you do, as well. It's okay to feel blue this time of year. It's your first Xmas without him, right? Mine too.

Have a Merry Christmas. Hug your kids really tight. Let them fill your heart.

I kind of hope that he finds a reason to call me later...I don't know why but I feel as though I'm looking for sign that he is at least thinking about me in some shape or form. I know this is bad, but I can't help it.

I know it doesn't help, but I get the impression that as hard as Christmas is for us, it's a lot worse for the WAS... They all seem so tuned out, even when it comes to dealing with other people too.

At least your H is coming over tomorrow to open gifts with D. My D will be the same age as your's next year, so I'm sure it'll be totally insanity by then with her - She doesn't really care all that much about everything, other than trying to open all of the gifts

[lizzy]

Hi Jenny! Sorry I was out of town while you had to deal w/ not going to ILs. Sounds like you really pulled yourself through. I'm glad you had your S w/ you. Enjoy tomorrow with your D. I too thought my H would stay long enough to put cookies out and D10 to bed. I guess he had other plans and I'm guessing it included one of the EAs. Stay strong Supermom!