This is probably going to be a very unpopular thread and I'm not calling anyone inparticular out on this, but I've witnessed something occuring on here that is disheartening to me.
I've been lurking on here for a couple of years. I've used these boards to help save my marriage and while it's not perfect, it is now good. I continue to come on here to use what I can to continue to improve upon it. I've seen lots of newcomers come and go, all in hopes of finding something to help their situations. Some stick around because they've formed a bond or friendship with people that they feel they can trust with their problems and get guidance and support through their troubled times.
I've seen a lot of charismatic, intelligent, charming, intuitive, humorous, empathetic, good hearted and caring individuals come and go. Very rarely do I see one come along that possesses all of these traits as one...the whole package.
I'm not condoning what IC did. It was wrong, he knows it was wrong. He came on, like many before him, to be amongst "friends" to seek guidance, support, a knowing hand on the shoulder. And basically for the most part, what he received was a treatment similar to how lepers were treated in biblical days.
I've seen a man, struggling to come to terms with his own limitations in his marriage, struggling to come to terms with cancer. But yet he comes on here with a deep heart and tries to help others in need. I feel his evident pain for Karen as he tries to comprehend her situation with her husband. I see how he has chased Red around on different forums, trying to calm her & reassure her that she is good enough for her husband. I see the personal crusade that he took with Real Journey to try to help her and her husband. I see a man with a empathetic concern for all that come on the board, even if he doesn't have any advice for them. I see a man with fears and insecurities of his own cancer treatments, drop them by the wayside to help ease those same fears of a little girl and to help ease the burden on her young mother.
Who else on here was intuitive enough and cared rat's azz enough to feel that something was not right with Corri and her posts? A woman I can tell that IC admires and looks up to...I think his words were "cyber-hero" Why does he do this stuff? Why? Because he is a good hearted, Good man that cares! A Good man that made a mistake and I feel he is being abandoned by the ones that he once considered friends because of that.
My heart goes out to Miss IC and she knows what kind of support she will get from me and certainly from others on the board. I've had the pleasure of talking to both the IC's via e-mail since this whole incident was revealed. What wonderful, kind & courteous people they are! Miss IC is hurting as can be imagined, but she still came across as being a strong, open, kind, sweet woman and is trying her best to hold her head up and handle this with as much grace and dignity that she can muster.
IC came across as being just as kind and courteous. If two people ever deserved to be together, it is these two. I hope they are able to see their way through this. They have something special that most of us here can only hope for.
I feel for IC. Yes he did something very wrong and almost unthinkable, hid it, and then revealed it at a very inoppotune time. But at the same time, I have to stand back in awe of this man. We all come on here seeking advice on what we can do for our marriage but yet many of us don't get it. We drag our feet and basically, to use a man's terms, don't have the balls to act. We're basically content to stumble along in our pathetic marriages, dragging our spouses down with us because we're to afraid too act upon things that may improve our situations. Too afraid to go through the rough waters to find bigger and better fishing grounds, we're content to not out grow our little ponds of marriage...that may or may not eventually dry up.
IC came on here seeking advice, got it..and had the guts to RUN with it to better improve his relationship with his wife. I remember IC receiving a link from Corri and within days, acted upon it with Miss IC and if I remember right..."OMG " was her response.
Why am I on here defending IC? He's a good man and he is a MAN. A man that knew that in order to get to the better fishing grounds with Miss IC, that he was going to have to cross the hurricane laced waters...even if it meant his boat might capsize and him drown.
Blackfoot, your post to IC felt like it was an attempt to berate and belittle IC. Something that you seem to be good at with your condescending remarks about women in general, all the while hiding behind your little shield of whatever. I'm going to be the first to stand up and say that IC is twice the man that you will ever be. Blackfoor, there is one thing that I will give you credit for and that is your comment about IC and his flirting, other than that, thank you for the material to line the bottom of my birdcage with. I'm a woman and I took IC's flirting as being so blatant that it was humorous and a joke for him...after talking with both of the IC's, I know it was! NOBODY stepped up to their boundaries and said that they were uncomfortable with IC's comments. They even went so far as to play into it with him. His post about the lingerie was thrown out there as a joke...but what did some of the women on here do? They played into it and flirted back by revealing their choice of intimate wear!!! And now they are coming out of the wood work as seeming offended...hmmmm? Nothing wrong with what they did, just be careful when casting your first stone.
IC, after having talked with you, I'm very impressed with your reasoning. I hope you stick to that and not try to turn things around onto Miss IC. I'm a hunting woman myself and I would hate to have to hunt you down I've taken down elks and bears, so I know I can take down a Nugent loving Michigander Hang in there...both of you. (((((the IC's)))) Don't act out in haste. When you two get through this like I know you will and if you're ever in Wyoming, look me up. I'll be in touch.
WOW, Cheyenne, I applaud you. I was thinking the exact same thing about most of what you wrote and just didn't know how to throw it out there.
IC's don't let the trials that you're going through beat you. Hopefully someday you'll think of it as the best thing that could've happened for your M and let it be stronger than ever.
I told IC that I could not be objective. I cannot help him, but I'm not going to hurt him, either. He IS a smart man and I know he will find his way (I've watched him do it on several occasions). You may think that is me being unfeeling or unfair, but quite honestly, it is the most honest and fair thing I think I can do for him, and I told him as much.
Sorry this has touched a tender cord in you. But it seems you are not the only one who's tender cord has been touched... and different people act/react in different ways when tender cords are involved.
I did not intend for what I said to be a jab against you in particular. I have a great deal of respect for what you do on these boards.
Nothing in your post was objectional to me, I just singled you out just as an example of how I feel IC feels about certain people on here. It's obvious from his posts posts and from what I have learned about him via e-mail with Miss IC, that he admires you as a person and for what all you have done for him.
He comes across as a very caring individual that is supportive of many on here no matter if he feels they are right or wrong and personally, I'm not seeing that same support being extended his way.
No knock against you Corri, bad conveyance of my message on my part.
I didn't take offense, it's cool. But even if I did, you are certainly entitled to your opinion. As are others...
I'm sure IC appreciates your support, but I also know that IC is a big boy, and he can take whatever folks decide to dish out at him. After all, he specifically asked for just that.
This is probably going to be a very unpopular thread and I'm not calling anyone inparticular out on this, but I've witnessed something occuring on here that is disheartening to me.
Honesty. I like it allready. always popular with me.
Blackfoot, your post to IC felt like it was an attempt to berate and belittle IC. Something that you seem to be good at with your condescending remarks about women in general, all the while hiding behind your little shield of whatever. I'm going to be the first to stand up and say that IC is twice the man that you will ever be. Blackfoor, there is one thing that I will give you credit for and that is your comment about IC and his flirting, other than that, thank you for the material to line the bottom of my birdcage with.
Well maybe not completely honest. You dont consider that singling someone out?
Blackfoot, your post to IC felt like it was an attempt to berate and belittle IC.
Really? I thought it was me saying how I felt. I didnt berate or belittle IC anywhere. The part where I spoke about why juicing women with affairs doenst get lasting desire was true, and a general monologue. I do it with anyone and everyone here when I dissemble a dynamic. Including myself.
IC is a big boy and knows he is on a Public Forum. I thought it would be a good time to point out why that isnt a good idea as a lasting solution, because I have personally been asked that many times, and I KNOW there are men lurking here thinking 'Why shouldnt I just have an affair to get her desire going? It works, right? ' NO. it doesnt work, Longterm, because you arent fixing your problem. Your making MORE.
Something that you seem to be good at with your condescending remarks about women in general, all the while hiding behind your little shield of whatever.
Actually I call it my big pile of I dont care. It's really Not little. I have a feeling Ill be shoveling for a long time to move past it. As far as my condescending remarks to women, you can choose to see it that way. Some people call it cocky and funny. When it stops working, Ill stop using it. It was very very effective with x. In fact she specifically complained about it being missing in our R during the first seperation. She missed that I was impervious to her jousts. Honestly So did I.
In general I believe that I just state facts. Some people dont like facts, especially those that dont accept themselves. Another thing that gives me a hint that Im on the right path, is womens reactions whey they say things like 'YEAH!! thats what I want My H to do, when they listen or overhear me talking.'
I'm going to be the first to stand up and say that IC is twice the man that you will ever be. Thank you for this personal attack on me. Much respect to you. I now feel like half the man I did before I read it. *tear* Are you sure you didnt want to single anyone in particular out?
Blackfoot, there is one thing that I will give you credit for and that is your comment about IC and his flirting, other than that, thank you for the material to line the bottom of my birdcage with. That was completely typical and predictable. I've set and executed the same dynamic (and always with prior warning-- because I do carry my claymore unsheathed. Im not covert or manipulative) so many times here-- to point it out to men, Im bored with explaining it. Hopefully the men understand what to do about it. If you dont want your puppy kicked, dont bring it out when you are weak and need caring for. If they dont, Ill be happy to dissemble it again to the curious.
Her is a mental image. Imagine the overthrown king, who spent years protecting and providing for his serfs. One day, there is a coup and because of his error in judgement he finds himself on the streets surrounded by the people he formerly cared for (imperfectly). How do they repay him. Typically and predictably, they tar, feather and put him in stocks .
other than that, thank you for the material to line the bottom of my birdcage with. Your welcome. You are a woman, and it wasnt for you or Miss IC. I hope IC was able to see the advice I gave him at the end and takes me up on the other. Cheyenne I thank you for your comments. It seems the tribal wars between blackfoot and cheyenne are not finished afterall.
at any rate youve reminded me no good deed goes unpunished.
Why am I on here defending IC? He's a good man and he is a MAN. This we agree on. I will also add he is a Hu man.
That's what I get for skipping through threads. I almost missed this. Cheyenne, thank for your sentiments, but they're misplaced. I doubt anyone who wielded 2x4s over ICs wee head doesn't think he's an exceptional guy and prays fervently that he and MissIC will get to that great marriage they both want.
The 2x4s were wielded in the manner they were not out of a lack of support but the exact opposite. The natural order of things demands the 2x4s before the (((hugs)), and as the past recipient of 2x4s I will be the first to tell you that they are less than pleasant, but necessary. And if you mess with the natural order of things the sky will turn black, the second law of thermodynamics will lose validity and time will run backwards, and we can't have that.
Southern Girl is right and Corri, I'm sorry if I misguided you on the other thread. I wasn't seeking a public flogging as some form of cleansing punishment for myself. I was seeking the 2x4's...I was seeking honesty and that is what I got. I wanted to be told the cold hard truths as someone that cheated on their spouse and not some sugar coated variety because of who I am on the message boards. I wanted advice from anyone as to what I could do now that the damage was done. I got good advice, but things quickly turned into me trying to defend my actions of coming out with this news as having self serving motives.
My initial instinctual reaction was to defend my motives, but it was clear that no matter what I said, public perception was going to be what it was and no amount of my arguments was going to sway that perception. It was then that I realized that the only opinions that truly mattered were that of Miss IC and myself. She has understandable problems with the content of my news, but not with the motives for revealing it.
Cheyenne, again, thank you for the kind gesture but this is really my burden to bear and if I were not prepared to carry it, then I would not have come on here.
In that case, Dude put that monkey in a cage. Here are the rules for being a married monkey.
ALLOWED TRANSGRESSIONS
1) Burnout engine of car due to oil change neglect- 2
2) Disguise oneself and try to become a singer in a band- 6
3) Max out credit card buying stuff for cool project you don't complete-12
4) Deny being the one who ate the last of the cookies-88
5) Wear clothes that don't really match but look cute in your opinion- infinite
6) F*ck other person in car - !ZERO!
Anyways, I feel really sorry for you because the punishment for breaking rule #6 is that you can't do any of the other stuff either now for a long, long, long, long*ss time.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
" was her response. 
I've taken down elks and bears, so I know I can take down a Nugent loving Michigander 