cut corners then, some things dont' "have" to be done the way they are just because that's the way they've always been. Like, I used to think frozen food was despicable, food just HAD to be made from scratch. I now buy frozen pizza and those bags with everything in them so I spend half the time in the kitchen. Can she at least take him to practice/games ONE time per week? any friends from baseball her can ride with or you can trade with other parents? She needs to know that you are miserable! that's should be enough for her to make some adjustments! it is easy for the working parent to over look how much the stay at home parent does.
Trying to regain some individuality is not being self absorbed. Rooting for you whapu))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Okay. The first thing that pops in my head is this: you sound seriously depressed. I understand all the feelings you are writing about, and get the overall impression of Whapu struggling to reach a hand up out of the center of a whirlpool. So, if you are depressed, are you getting some help?
I have been feeling really muddy and unfocused lately...turns out I have a sleep disorder. I've begun some treatment for it, and it's making a big difference. I guess where I'm going with this: is there anything you can do for yourself PHYSICALLY to pull out of this? Sleep more? Exercise? Get some ADs? Carve out 20 minutes of guitar time? Hide in a closet while little one is napping? Get a sitter once a week so you can do something for your sanity? Find an anchor--something to hold on to...read something spiritual, go to church, talk to a clergyman...
For now, forget the "M". You've got to do something before you implode. You know that. Find SOMETHING you can look forward to and feel peace about.
I think I will now call you both the "Sisters of Sanity"! I know you both wouldn't or don't mind being grouped together. First of all, you are both right coming from two different ends of the stick. Good idea's abound and they have brought something for my mind to chew on instead of it's own material. HMMPH!
I think my clergyman might be a good place to start since I don't have any insurance for the trained Psych. Plus, I don't really think it's a meds thing, its more of a outlook thing. Physically I redid the kitchen, sanding and refinished all the cabinets and last on my list is the kitchen floor. I need to get this house ready to sell no matter what direction my life takes. This last weekend we had some fracas on the street corner and a stray bullet entered the living room and took the Armoire out. I had been sitting there an hour earlier. More Grey matter for the safety of family and myself and feel cursed to a certain degree. I agree to forget about the "m", there can be no marriage without me in it...right? So Cat and Aud, thank you for replies of worth and compassion. I heed your words more than you know...Who knows, if I actually do make something of myself and this sitch, a complimentary fruit basket or (whatever) will be in both of your possessions! Taking a deep breath of reassurance and making my hands come together in thanks for the "Sisters of Sanity".....peace
Great! Go talk to your church guy. Do it soon. It will help the outlook.
You're already getting a lot of physical activity with the remodel--whew! That's a lot of work! And overwhelming. I'm glad you're looking at the last task now. Good luck with getting everything done, it sounds like a good idea to move. And I'm glad you're still kickin'!
Something I've been thinking a lot about lately, especially when I'm overwhelmed is this: I believe we're not required to know it all, to do everything perfectly, to BE perfect. We're *human* and we can't possibly be perfect at everything. What really matters in the end above all is that we love much and do the very best we can. Give yourself a break--let the negativity around you slide off your shoulders (I know this is easier said than done), and just do the best you can. It's not about pleasing everyone else. It's about being at peace with your own efforts and your maker. Try tossing that around in your head when you start to feel like you're drowning.
If you want, you are welcome to email me (address is in my profile)--I can give you some book titles that have helped me a lot.
lol, no, i don't mind being lumped up with my sista Aud here
Ok whapu, you got to explain now, you are planning on selling your home?... and wow! about the stray bullet!! how horrible!I'm so glad only the armoire got hurt, yikes.
I pray you take care of yourself, little by little reclaim some peace. At the danger of insulting you, you remind me a little of my H, trying to please everybody at his expense, not knowing when to say no; beating himself up more than anyone else would.
Use the word "no" more often and don't feel guilty about it, wifey might balk, but I bet she has no clue how beat down you feel.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Just journaling...Let what little my mind has left to seep out. An update is this....the last thread has been unwound. I have had several interviews and all of them have been awful. I finally failed a pre-entrance test to a job for lower pay and had been doing for the last three years. It looks as though I will now set my sights on something I am more able and apt to do....massage and turn the franks at the nearest Blimpies. It seems the older I get the more ignorant I get...in a literal sense. Unexplainable. My oldest son is still failing several classes in high school with his Asperger disease as the main culprit. I am in the process of trying to get him into another school that will suit his needs much more than the one he is at. His current school doesn't meet or have the resources to help him. He deserves better and much longer will be like dear ole' dad more than I would like. My "M" is a facade on every account. My Wife was promoted and more revenue will be streaming in but she will be gone even longer in the evenings. At this point, she comes home, surfs the web on Ebay for a half hour, hugs the kids and goes to bed. This will never work. I have never considered myself a "Benson or Mr. Belvedere" type of person. All my pleas for space and time without my pant leg being tugged or shuttling have been denied or replied with "What? You want me to quit my job?" Our communication is translucent....I very much relate it to the movie "American Beauty". I feel at this moment the same conclusion will arrive as well. I am now considering just leaving for a time. I don't want to be considered a "dead beat dad"but I would have a nervous breakdown if I had a nervous system. My head needs to be cleaned out for every move I make is in a "milky" haze. I need to try to resurrect myself without my TOTAL day being at the expense of serving others. This may seem like a "Pity Party" but there is no laughing and gleeing and certainly more a party of one. They caught the individuals whose stray bullet went into our house and I have been having to testify to the courts so that takes up a little time. My guidance in spirituality is now stained,static driven. I no longer feel the comfort of a higher being which to be quite honest is the most alarming. I went to seek advice from a good friend who is a nun and left feeling more vacant than when I came in. SOOOO...I guess the theme of this paper is "DIE or FLY"....Hmmm? Rustle that one brain cell in my head at that thought.
Cat- Karate is not the Middle child's love or even better put his mom's love so no...it's baseball or the highway. Sitting with the little one in unusually cold weather with sleet and rain hasn't brightened my spirits any either. The thought on "no"..I hear it enough one would think I could purse my lips enough to say it....maybe soon. I didn't take offense to you relating me to your husband except for I am not that "nimble" enough to jump bushes or porch bannisters and I don't like "Mobile hard porn"
Aud-What direction? I can only hope UP....if I haven't done too many bad deeds. No one needs to reply to this because I am merely trying to do some sort of "cerebral" bowel movement....I will even leave a piece of toilet paper to wipe at your convenience.... Lots more to relate even on more fronts...(mother's rapid dementia and such)but I have bored myself. For those out there Piecing.....One fragment of advice..."it's not what you say, It is what you hear." Most answers come from the ears not the mouth......peace
Buddy, I heard it was time for me to stroll through your neck of the woods a bit.
Some encouragement here:
You already know that none of it is worth crap if you can't find you. Not saying a drastic change has to happen anywhere, but that you need to look at yourself with some fresh eyes buddy.
Let's put it this way, I know just how long you've been hanging in here, and some of the downright bizarre things that have brought you to this point, as well as some of the not so bizarre. So, reach back to that last enchilada of happiness, true happiness, you recognized. Time to fire up the stove, pull out the tortillas, and seize for yourself the ingredients to cook one of them thar bad boys up pronto.
I may get hammered for adding this part in, but . . . you gotta find that, job, marriage, baseball, and weather be d@mned.
BH... It has been a long time my friend and I truly appreciate your response! I am a dullard and don't have any inkling what you are talking about with your last sentence...
Quote:
[/quote]I may get hammered for adding this part in, but . . . you gotta find that, job, marriage, baseball, and weather be d@mned. All this be d@mned?[quote]
More Grey matter for the safety of family and myself and feel cursed to a certain degree. I agree to forget about the "m", there can be no marriage without me in it...right? So Cat and Aud, thank you for replies of worth and compassion. I heed your words more than you know...Who knows, if I actually do make something of myself and this sitch, a complimentary fruit basket or (whatever) will be in both of your possessions! Taking a deep breath of reassurance and making my hands come together in thanks for the "Sisters of Sanity".....peace
