still trying...update

[Hurtin4certain]

Good for you Luv... dont ask. I know how excited you are going to be to see him, what kinds of things can you do to shock him? 180's?

[LuvMyHusband]

I am making tamales. He has asked for them for a while now. It seems like I never have time but am making time. I have been keeping a PMA regardless of how his attitude is. It almost seems like he is doing his best NOT to be happy or to laugh when I tell him something funny the kids say.

I know this is going to take a while but he seems so very distant I am wondering if it can ever be breached especially when he seems to be ramrod straight. I don't get it.

[LuvMyHusband]

as far as 180's. I guess by not talking about the R, not hovering, being busy and giving him space while he's here, not asking about New Year's Eve. Being happy and upbeat and positive. It's hard to be that way in the face of someone else's desired apathy.

[fightingirish]

luv,

you've got mail..

tal

[LuvMyHusband]

Hey Everyone,
Haven't had a lot of time. Really busy with work and getting ready for Christmas. I have been amazed with myself (sorry if that sounds boastful) I feel great! I've been keeping a PMA and it gets easier every day.

I had to do a transport today so was in LA and Long Beach. Had alot of reading time during flights. Anyway, this book was referred to me and so far it's a great book. It's called Make Up, Don't Break Up by Bonnie Weil. Defines "pursuer and distancer" very well.

I'll be elbows deep in masa tomorrow making tamales so probably won't get a lot of time to be online. Santa's coming you know. Hope we all get what we would like most.

[LuvMyHusband]

Thank you everyone for being so wonderful. If only our spouses could see this side of us. I am so thankful for all of you and the support so freely given. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

[LuvMyHusband]

well, psycho woman (as I call her) called here today. I was busy, S13 answered the phone. I heard him say "no, he's not here right now" then "yes" then he tried to hand the phone to me. My hands were yucky since I was making tamales so told him to ask who it was. He was told "Julie". I took the phone (she's the only Julie I know) and said "what do you want and why are you calling here". I am ticked that my S13 have any contact with her. She launched into that I should know that she and H are talking and playing online again. I said "BS". She laughed and said that he may spend Christmas with me and the kids but not New Year's Eve. I'm guessing she was alluding that he would be with her. I told her BS again and told her to leave us alone. She then said "keep trying, but he doesn't give a F--K about you, that's why he says he's divorced on his myspace and aol profiles". I told her to not call here again and hung up on her. She tried to call back but I wouldn't pick up.

I decided to call H and tell him. When I told him what was said he immediately said it was BS too. That he hadn't had contact with her and couldn't understand why she would call. He did say that she has tried periodically to reach him but he ignores her calls and texts. (I hope this is true). I told him that maybe she was trying to see if he was here for Christmas, idk, or was trying to cause trouble between us which I was not going to allow.

He actually asked me if I was screwing with him and making it up. I got upset then and said he could talk to S13 bc he answered the phone. I said you know that she is nuts. look at the things she has done in the past. He kept saying he didn't know why she would now, I said "ever here of a woman scorned? if you are ignoring her, she is going to blame me".

I did ask about myspace. He tried to play if off and offered to change the D to M. I told him that I thought it was unkind of him to state he was D when he isn't but that I didn't want him to do it for me, I wanted whatever he decided to be his choice.

Any thoughts?

[JoieDeVivre]

Luv,
You probably have those thoughts racing through your head "what if H really is contacting her?" Based on his response to you, especially asking if you were making it up, it doesn't ring true. At least not to me. And, if OW tends to act psycho, that probably explains it (the OW in my sitch tends to be psycho, too). She's also called my house, and also talked to my D14!

Sounds like the OW in your sitch is scorned, and is showing her true colors -- also similar to my sitch! In fact, I need to thank OW for her psycho behavior as it pretty much ended it with my H. I would think the same has happened in your sitch. OW in your sitch was dumped and is pissed off about it. So is OW in my sitch. Tough sh!t. She should not have gotten involved with a married man.

As far as the myspace page, I probably would have said the same thing ... let it be his choice. However, lately I take the more direct route with my H. If he does something that I'm not comfortable with, I tell him instead of brushing it off. Truth is, he is M, not D so that's what his page should say!

Joie

[SweetRedd]

Hi luv,

I think OW is trying to screw up your time with H when he comes. He's probably still in touch with her and she's feeling jealous that he'll be with you at Christmas. She knows from what he's said in the past that you'll confront him, he'll get angry and it will keep your time together from being a happy time. Let it drop.. completely. Don't mention it to him again. When he gets there, treat him like a very good friend that you're thrilled to see. No pressure. No expectations. No R or OW talk. Even if he brings it up tell him that you don't want to talk about it and you just want to enjoy your time together. Think good friend.. father of my kids. Expect him to not be there for NY and if he stays.. be surprised and very happy to hear it.

[LuvMyHusband]

hi everyone,
He will be here in a couple of hours. He told me last night that he will not be staying here but at a hotel and that he is not planning on being her for NYE. He said that he feels it makes it harder on us after sleeping together and then he leaves. IDK what to think. He has the last few times but all of a sudden, he's not this time. Suspicion is raising it's ugly head as this is what happened when he first left. The OW didn't want him to stay here so he went to a hotel.

I didn't cry on the phone but I bawled after I got off the phone. He claims he's not in contact with her anymore that he is distant bc of MY behavior. I went off on him when D8 collapsed and had pnuemonia.

He also told me that when he first left he had only been planning on being gone a few weeks but bc of MY beating him up emotionally it's been like this.

His attitude floors me. He doesn't seem to think that his leaving and having OW in the picture should have caused me any major upset. I guess I should have just calmly said "ok, do what you need to do, I'll be waiting" like a dog under the table for scraps.

Yes, I'm feeling angry and hurt but will try to get it under wraps before he gets here.