I'm a newbie-H is MLC-Lovely!!!

[MrsLBW]

Hi All-
I just signed on a couple of days ago. Have Micheles books and have started DBing. My situation:

H and I are both 45. Married 14-together 16. Have 2 D-7/11. Bomb in June. ILYBINILWY. His father died the September before. He spent 11 months trying to keep him alive. Always with him at hospital or nursing home-almost every day after work and on weekends. I was the undestanding wife. I never complained and I kept the house and family going. I tried to plan events to keep his mind off of his problems with his dad and I did all of the work. Never complained. When he wanted to go out with friends (which was rare) I always told him to have a good time, and he would always check in and let me know where he was and when to expect him. We had date night every Wednesday night and planned to go out with friends al least 2x a month. We kept the babysitter busy! Then the last day of school we took the kids out to celebrate and he sat at the table with his back to me. I said "you could at least pretend you like me-what's up?" That was the beginning of the end. Said he didn't know if he wanted to be married any more(BTW-kids were off playing video games)wasn't happy with any part of his life. Wished we didn't have kids, if someone gave him a million dollars right now, he would tell them what was wrong with it. Hated work, his sister drives him crazy. Wasn't even happy playing golf-which he always loved.Didn't have enough money,blah blah blah. Said he didn't feel like working on the marriage. "You have to WANT to work on it and I don't" I told him that I was going to work on it and I did all summer. But he didn't-it was obvious.

A couple of weeks later I found out he had been talking for hours at a time to a woman at work who just happens to be related to one of my best friends and next door neighbor!!! He was on the computer with her all of the time and spoke to her on our anniversary and my birthday and during our D b-day party. I called her at work and told her to back off-without getting nasty. She gave me her word that she would. When he found out (I did it on HIS birthday in July!) he was in mourning for a couple of days but they were back at it right away. They both swear that they are just friends. Yeah-secret friends!! At this point i think it is EA. I did all of the wrong stuff-beg-scream-snoop,talk about relationship. It pushed him further away.

He moved out the week after school started. He moved into his dead fathers empty house. Has bought a bed, TV, kitchen stuff. Took an old sofa from here and the computer. Besides his clothes, that's all he has. He has been gone 3 months and we have not had a fight of any kind in about 1 month. He comes by a couple of times a week to see the kids-usually stays for dinner and spends most of his time here with me-not the kids. He tries to take them overnight once a week.

It's killing me that I don't know what he is doing. The OW is going thru her 2nd divorce. He doesn't want me telling anyone about our situation, refuses to talk to anyone about it-not even his family and friends. He only talks to her. I hate this limbo thing. He has not mentioned divorce. It's like he wants his feet in both worlds and I'm just suppose to wait!!

I've become more independent-don't ask him for help. He is still payiing all of the bills here, however. I just work part-time. That was our arrangement before he left so that I would be here for the kids after school. I'm not always available when he calls or stops by. I don't email him anymore unless he emails me-and even then I don't respond every time or right away.

He is spending the night Xmas eve to be here in the morning for the kids. We will be going to his sisters for Xmas eve dinner and gift exchange, like we always have. I did not invite him to my family's on Xmas day because i know he would refuse and because my mother would kill him! I'm not sure where I want him to sleep or if I should hope for sex. I know that I will not initiate it-don't want the rejection again. But not sure if it's even a good idea.

I also have this urge to call the OW again. I know it's not a good idea-but I have read other posts where the OW was called and they did back off. I don't know. I think that he is going through a mid life crisis and if he had the time to be alone to work things out in his head, he might figure it all out. But if she is in the way-she is just that--IN THE WAY!

Well, that's it in a nutshell. I welcome anyones thoughts.
Thanks!