Sorry to highjack your thread. I am a fellow Brit in Texas. My WAW left on August 15th 2007 to live with her boss and took the children. If you get time please read my thread.
I am in a very difficult situation here and do feel like giving up as it appears that she is in deep with this guy. I also feel that she has moved on. I do not want to give up but I have pride and do not feel that I can take help from her. It also still hurts to interact with her. She says that she wants me in her life but I am finding it difficult to let go and be friends.
I agree that it would be so much easier just to cut off all contact and take the time to emotionally separate from your W. You should remember that since she is living with her boss, that is a relationship with a very disjointed balance of control. If you think you can stick it out, it may be the time that you work on being her friend and show her that you will be there for her no matter what. Certainly don't be a doormat, but try not to get too caught up in everything with OM. It is very easy to get caught up in the 'love' emotions with someone, but it doesn't mean it's going to last, or that it is at all healthy.
Originally Posted By: foo fighter
I have not read all of your threads so I apologise but it seems that she is living away from you. How long has that been and how long has she broken up with OM?
My understanding is that she has never been 'together' with OM - They used to spend a lot of time together outside of work, but they really don't do that anymore. Mostly they just IM back and forth. I don't believe that much 'relationship' exists with him, other than what is in her head.
She has been living on her own for about 8 weeks now, and I'm moving in about three. Kind of like your wife, she won't let me go and wants me to live 'close by' when I find somewhere else to live - She moved back to a city 30mins from here we used to live in when we were first together, so we both want to be in that general area.
Originally Posted By: foo fighter
How do cope with the patience knowing that the OM has a girlfriend and knowing your wife is, for a better word 'free' to make a choice and you wanting your wife back.
I don't think she is emotionally free to make that choice right now - Even though there isn't anything going on, she is still 'entangled' emotionally with OM. She goes through phases when she gets mad and doesn't want anything to do with him, but then she ends up right where she was before.
Both my W and I believe that time apart is good for us, in whatever sense - W is defiantly in need of some time to herself to find her own path in life, because she really doesn't do anything anymore. I'm not sure if I am going to be part of that or not.
Originally Posted By: foo fighter
My wife is being nice to me about the christmas gifts and says that she still cares about me which is great but this is so difficult to handle especially when I am in desperate need of a good job and money to be able to support children and GAL.
If you have any words of encouragement or suggestions, it would be very much appreciated. I too am without family in the US.
Merry Christmas Brit. I hope it is the best it can be considering the current situation for both of us.
My suggestions would be to build a routine for yourself, spend time with your kids and realize that your W still 'needs' you in some capacity as she wants you around. I would use the time you have with her as her friend to demonstrate that she can have a happy life with you - Don't go overboard, but at least show her that you care and you are there for her.
Did she file for D yet, or make any steps towards that? My W hasn't done anything D or separation related, even though she used to keep telling me that she wanted to.
