Relational Equality vs, Relational Equivalency

[MJontheMend]

There is a very strong case for restoring the balance of power in the R to address the problems/complaints of both spouses. And this particular approach leaves blame (for the most part) out of it.

I agree with a lot of what you are saying. I think that the equal and opposing problem to "not being attracted to one-down" is, in a sense, "only being attracted to one-up". The woman who is a one-up and cuts her man down to a placating one-down is matched perfectly with a one-down man who is only attracted to one-up women. Of course, the same applies to either gender. That is why so many HD folk who come to this BB are like "Oh my spouse/marriage is so perfect except he/she is mean to me and won't have sex with me." Clue in. If you put somebody up on a pedestal or make them into a tin god so that you can feel a high level of sexual or romantic attraction for them then you get what you deserve in terms of intimacy. Of course, the one-up is often guilty of subconsciously seeking security or ego gratification at the expense of sexual attraction themselves. People need to learn how to move in a fluid and self-aware fashion from the role of the sexual one-down to the sexy one-up without engaging in deceptive and destructive games.

This is why I was joking that my new "test" was that I was going to signal to men "I doubt that you are man enough for a woman as nice as me."