Here's what I try to analyze everytime I have some sticky issues. You cannot and should not control or show that you are annoyed of what he does. That is out of your control. He is an adult and he is responsible for his own action. You can control your own actions.
He can always date OW (D or not D, he did it anyway). You have a right to ask that he not bring OW to the house, not because you are still married, but because you are living in the house and bringing OW here would make you feel miserable and you would not want that feeling. Basically, you prefer not to see OW and you can always request that. He has his choice to honor your request or not. His choice. By the same token, I did ask my H also not to bring OW to certain places that I frequently go (like our neighborhood mall where I shop) just because I do not want to accidentally bump into them. Your choice to make the request (if it is reasonable), his choice to honor it (depending whether your H is still somewhere in the body, or he is just being an A$$ at this point).
I did tell my H yesterday that I agreed with him that D is the only answer given the current circumstances. In some ways, I'm sure it will come as a relief to not be around him all the time.
I was just looking at my journal and it's so weird because H was sending me tm's and ILY's up until the day he said he wanted a D. It's just really odd that he would say those things one day and D the next.. Maybe he just couldn't stomach the double life any longer.
Hi OC, He is honoring the request not to have her in my house. Actually the calls and tm's are less frequent as well since he told ow to stop based on how it makes me feel. So, ow is actually abiding by my "rules". She might as well since he'll be living with her in six months... No reason to blow it now!
I hadn't read your post for a while. I can't understand how they can figure it is all right to have the OW and live with you . My h like yours calls all the time, comes and takes me to lunch, breakfast and acts like nothing is wrong while he is living with OW. Where do they get off....
It is hard at the holidays...HUGS for you and stay strong.. The hardest thing I had to learn is that I can't control him not that I did but the choices whether they are right or wrong are his and he has to suffer the consquences. I can't be the anchor any more.
In a really weird way, I think he thinks he is being "sensitive" of my feelings by keeping all contact w/ow away from me and my house. I guess I have to be thankful for that at least.
On the other hand, he mentions the D paperwork every day. That is annoying to me. Ummm.. I'm not likely to forget that we are d'ing. No need to chat about it all the time!!! UGH!!! I am still confused as to why ANYONE would feel the need to file right before the holidays. Geez... That has to be the work of the ow.
Goals for the New Year: 1 - Begin an intense workout schedule that includes the need for H to take care of D4 on a consistent basis. 2 - Start spending more time away from home with and without D4 3 - Continue to agree w/H on necessity of D 4 - Look hot at all times
So, I have a male co-worker who calls me all the time and is in my office all the time... We have to work closely together and it is NOTHING but a working R. But, H gets kind of quiet when I talk about him. It actually bothers him.. How freakin' ironic is that!!!
Hey, I like goal number 4 :-) I also need to start goal #1.
I wonder if your H is mentioning D everyday to test his waters. Since he is really so unsure about the whole thing (he is doing the D paperwork because OW pushed. Really, if he can have it his way, he will be cake eating all the way), he is testing your response to see if he is doing this right. But then, he will still interpret your response in anyway he wants to so in a sense, it does not really matter other than that it is annoying to you.
Well... he sure talks like he's 100% sure that it's what he wants. I am just agreeing these days. Seems like his recent sessions with the ic revolve around how to "divorce well".
He left a message yesterday afternoon knowing I wasn't home. It was kind of muffled and had weird pauses. All I can think is that he was in the bathroom at ow's house calling me to let me know when he'd be home! hahaha!!!
LO, Wow, you sound so detached. Kudos to you!! I agree with ourcrises, I love goal #4 and also need to a goal #1! In fact, it's sort of my New Year's resolution.
I think you should talk more about your male co-worker in front of your H! Sounds like he is jealous!!! He's letting you go but isn't happy knowing that someone else may be there for you. I agree, how ironic...
Surreal conversation today: H: How are you doing today? M: Pretty good considering the current circumstances. H: Yah (tearing up); me too considering... M: Well, it had to happen sooner or later. No reason to prolong the inevitable H: (shrugging shoulders) I guess so M: I wish it could be different. I really do. H: Me too. M: I'm going to be ok you know H: Yah, I know.. Maybe we just need time apart to figure out what we have.. M: (In my head) Ummm..I don't need time apart to figure it out. M: (out loud) Only God knows what His plan is for us. H: You are right. (crying) LO, you are a beautiful person inside and out. ILY and I'm sorry that I hurt you. M: (crying) Me too; and, I love you, too. Both: Proceeded to more D talk.. No more tears...
