Start of real Separation

[soul_mate]

Yes you are right that is not a good attitude I guess part of me is still in denial while the other part of me is trying to move on while leaving the door cracked. I guess I still have a lot of trouble thinking that my W will be happy with things like this, and I know she has a lot of unrealistic fantasys about being single and other men that are going to cause her a rude awakening.

Did not talk to her but one time in the morning yesterday. Today we are going out to dinner an to a play. I bought her play tickets a while back and she still wants to go. I am sure we will have fun since we normally do still. I will try to make it a nice time without any R talks and stuff like that. I think after the play and Christmas I am going to go a bit dark.

There are several road block between me and the W getting back togther and here they are. I guess I know them, but they are really all things that she has to overcome on her own or she may never.

1) Drop the fantasy of the grass is greener. This is a big one. She talks to OM all the time and I am sure he is telling her everything she wants to hear. Meanwhile they don't have to live in reality eg. bills, kids, living togther, chores, etc.

2) Drop her resentment and anger over me not loving her the way she needed to be loved in the past. That and she doen't believe I can ever love her like she needs to be loved. For me if there is one thing I did learn in this whole experiece is that I can give her this love and really missed out on this not only her life but mine too would have been so much more fullfilled if I would have understood this before.

3) Let go of her pride. Things like when I am done I am done. She will not allow herself to come back because she has went too far, etc.

4) Just allow us to fall back into love. This can only happen after #1,2,and 3 are finished.

Part of me wants to give her the book Walk out Wife before I go dark or as a last resort if going dark has no positive impact. I know everyone on here says that giving her a book would be the wrong thing, but there are 2 things 1) What could it hurt if nothing is turning around 2) There is a chance she may look at it since her anger towards me has actually went down a lot and we are good friends most of the time.

Here is one that she told me a couple days ago this stuff kills me. "I talked to the girls at work and told them my life would be so much easier if I could just fall back in love with soulmate"

Anyway as for me I am moving forward trying to get a life going out with some people from work more and working out frequently. I have considered going out with a couple of girls just because I miss having a female to hang out with and talk too. I am by no means interested in any kind of serious realationship right now, because I know if my W wanted I would give us another shot in a minute.