Thanks Hill and Matilda. Today, I'm angry. It's the first time that my pain and horrible, horrible grief have turned to anger. And it's all directed at my wife. I'm angry for her having to be right all the time, and never being able to roll with the punches, not matter what. I'm rabid about her never allowing me to make any decision without a 4 point critique, and 5 more points how every decision was not a good one, yet being angry when I stopped making decisions. I'm furious at her for doing this to the kids, and yes, she did it. My faults aside, she's the one who wants to rip this family apart, because of "her needs". My "needs" weren't exactly satisifed either, but I would NEVER do this to my family on MY NEEDS or the basis of being "unhappy" No abuse, good father, hard worker, great provider, solid citizen, faithful. Yep, didn't focus on her as much as I should have, much like a lot of men with two jobs and three small kids, but if that's the extent of wanting to take away a family from my kids and rob me of seeing them every day, waking up with them and putting them to bed, as I did for 17 years...well, not good enough. I'm tired of rolling with the punches, and putting "no expectations on her". I'm tired of DBing.....period. No melting of the iceberg in 2 years. None. Zero, zilch, nada, nine, nyet!
I'll be expected to come to my old house where I can't even use the bathroom, THAT I PAID FOR, and put up a Christmas tree with 22 years worth of ornaments FOR THE KIDS SAKE. Sorry, not interested. If you cared about the children, why did you do this to them? I refuse to have that for the kids shi& dropped on me. I'm not interested in having my very soul ripped out of me every time I visit my old house. I'm sorry, but I'm venting. I'm angry. I'm furious. I'm not buying the "forgivness is a gift you give yourself" shi* Tonight, I just want to vent and be angry FLTC. I'm not going to do anything stupid, but damn, I'm furious.
