day by day

[LL44]

Hi everyone.

Mark is nice to say he isn't leaving, but he really is. I can feel it.

Journaling: Our final D6 birthday party tonight. H's side came. I did all the cooking and planning and it went over well. Its amazingly sad how detached H was from the whole party. I could see it in his face. He is treading water, lost, lost, lost. You can paint the warm home environment picture, but these WAS's totally reject it. I am so disappointed in him and his choices.

D6's holiday party was today and I saw OW and her H in the parking lot. OW's H waved and yelled "Hey LWB!!", it totally startled OW. I found that quite funny. I smiled and waved back, and said hi to their kids who were hugging my kiddos. OW's H drove separately. While I got a giggle out of OW's H, the whole situation bites. I am starting to really resent her, even though I know she owes me no loyalty. I need to work past these feelings.

[Ohio_Mark]

Nothing wrong with feeling resentment toward the woman who is taking your husband from you. Resentment is normal.

She owes you no loyalty. But leaving a married man alone is not "loyalty." It's decency, and she obviously has none. Same with my wife, BTW....

Go ahead.... be angry with her. IMO, no need to "work through" this, unless you have designs on revenge...

[SallyM]

lwb, that is funny about ow's h, but then again it isn't. I'm sorry. yeah, its normal to resent, but yeah, we both need to get over it eventually, too. (hey, I talk a good game, don't I? lol...go ahead, resent her skanky little self. I know I resent h's ow)

so does your h's side know anything? suspect anything? did anyone say anything to you about him acting so oddly?

[fightingirish]

lwb,

Yes, I did get a chuckle out of the ow H's waving to you... good for him, she must have pooped in her pants... Its does stink, and you feeling dissapointment in him is totally understandable.

I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better. You and the girls don't deserve this.

(((hugs)))

tal

[LL44]

I need help. I'm shredded today.

Last night, as I was falling asleep (around 1am) OW's H called my cell phone. As part of his GAL (he went on a date! OMG am I the only one that doesn't date while married in St. Louis?) he was out last night and when he pulled up to his house, MY husband was sitting outside. In his car. He wasn't inside the house, but they were talking on the phone. The word 'pathetic' comes to my mind. OW's H was very upset, trying not to be worried about the whole OW/my H thing, but hated that he was there, in front of the house where his kids live. I agreed. We talked until my H got home.

I lost it on him, told him how disrespectful he is being to everyone. So many hateful things were said between us. I cried hard, screamed, you name it. I said some things I have wanted to say for a long time. OW and H are basically going on a date tonight, yep, that's right. I told H not to come home tonight and he was fine with that. But he began on his rant about selling the house. We talked about getting lawyers or a mediator, which we will look into next week.

I am empty. Broken. How can I function tonight knowing they are together? I lived in the dark all summer, this will be the first time I *know* they are together. Unbelievable that this is my life. I am so lost. I have the kids all day, so I won't be on here that much, but will be back when they are asleep tonight. I just came on to feel less...alone, I suppose.

I was so hoping to chug through Christmas with good spirits between H and I, now that hope is lost.

[Ohio_Mark]

lwb. ... I am so sorry. I have been there. Many times I have sat with my kids and watched as my wife leave the house to go out of town to spend nights in a hotel room with her boyfriend. It hurts. It sucks.

You can function. You have to understand that you cannot control him. You can only do what is best for you and your girls. You need to insulate yourself from what is outside of your control. Focus on the kids. Do stuff with them.

It is not easy. I know you can do it. This is where the detachment self-defense mechanism kicked in for me. You will detach, like never before...

We are here to support you.

[Michael Mc C]

I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear that your H is doing this. So close to Christmas too. You're right about the lack of respect for everyone but they just don't care about anyone else at this point, regardless of what they might say.

You know the answer of course, detachment. But damn it's hard to do, especially when you were counting on at least having a pleasant holiday.

Let your anger and hurt help you become detached. Remember that you are protecting yourself and your kids. It's not easy because you don't want to hold onto that anger and hurt but you want to focus the memory of them into your detaching. I've tried and it works to some degree. You'll need to get yourself to a place where you can be unaffected by actions such as this. I keep saying "It's W mess." Not quite detached but it keeps me from thinking I have any responsibility in bailing her out.

You love him but you cannot do anything to help him at this point.

[lovelyolive]

Oh girl.. I sooooo know how you are feeling. I have had those conversations w/H. Those scream-fests. The uncontrollable sobbing. I think we hold it in for so long that when there is a spark, the whole thing just ignites.

Mark is right. You cannot control him. Right now, he's going to do what he wants to whether you approve or not. It's taken me a long time to get that into my head. You can control you even though you are still on this horrible roller coaster.. I know that you will pick yourelf back up. You've done it in the past and you will do it again. You are a strong woman.

We are all here for you... Whatever you need.. You are not alone.

Gosh.. they all seem to be "acting up" during the holidays, don't they?

[SallyM]

omg, lwb. omg. (((HUGS))). trust me, I know the anger...I know the ranting and the raving. and I know the pain. and I am sooo sorry. you don't deserve it. not at all.

wtf is up with him that he can't wait until after christmas???? seriously???? its bad enough...all of it is bad enough...but then to do this like that, to have so little respect for you or for his family, is just wrong on so many levels.

and I am even more angry about the date you had the other night...totally his doing, and he probably knew all along he was going out with ow.

I am ill for you.

call if you need to vent/talk/scream/cry. I'm here all day...am not going anywhere, except to try to rake my roof, so if I don't answer, that's where I am and I WILL call back.

take care of yourself. I want to go over there and kick your h in the shins. then aim a bit higher.

how dare he. how dare he. I'll tell you one thing your h and mine have in common, they have some freaking big balls. and are masters of delusional spins.

eta, yeah, detachment is key, but until you get there, remember my anything but credo. you've let him know your thoughts/your feelings/your anger/your hurt, now no more to him...send it our way. put it in your journal, call a friend, e-mail, vent here, whatever. he doesn't care...he isn't thinking clearly. not even close.

take care of yourself, lwb.

[fightingirish]

oh (((((((lwb)))))).... im so so so sorry he is doing this now, of all times. He is being extremely selfish... My heart breaks for you.

How could he do this, how how!! Im so mad for you right now!

Sallym is right, don't give him an amunition... vent here.. you can call me, email me .. whatever you need to. Im so crushed.. I thought maybe you would have a nice quiet xmas... what a sh$t.

He's not thinking of kids or anything at this point, he's totally gone wacko.

you need to take care of you and your Daughters. He just doesn't deserve you lwb... He deserves to stay in the hole he has dug himself into. Knowone can help him at this point.

Im thinking of you.

tal