Mojo said I should integrate Alpha and Top. I still dont know what she means by that. Im willing to listen. Then Mojo changed to be puppy. I was puppy here once and you wanted to give me a hug. Gross. I dont want a hug, I want to get laid. Another time I was puppy here, and you thought it meant you could kick the puppy. Remember? I have no desire to take care of .... I wont allow myself to take responsibility for taking care of a grown ass woman.
I was madly "in love" with my son when he was a baby. I actually worried that some other woman might steal him from me at the grocery store because he was so cute. At 8 mos. he weighed 25 lbs. and would only go to sleep at night after an exhausting cycle of breast-feeding and walking about with him in my arms. I finally told myself "Okay, you gotta let him cry himself to sleep.". I couldn't bear to hear him so I left the house and walked around the block. It took a very long time but finally he fell asleep. The second night when I returned from my walk he was still screaming. I stayed strong and told myself learning to self-comfort was for his own good. Then I heard a loud thump followed by silence. He couldn't even stand yet but in his manic despair he had grabbed the top bar of the crib and used his sticky little baby toes to heave himself up and over the bar and on to the floor. The thing I don't know is the name for the emotion that would describe the look on his face when I walked in the room.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
