All Hope is lost/Help - Part 2

[Jen_Jam]

OK, going to try and have a take on your H's text as well.

Oh dear, yes he is angry but it sounds like he hates the situation as well, but he created part of it by moving out, but then when he moved out he was probably in the mindset of "it hurts to stay and it hurts to leave". Something has to change and it sounds like maybe he has no idea what needs to change in your M in order for you to be happy with each other. IOW, sounds liek he is only seeing a bleak picture. Don't worry about this, a lot of WAS's only see the black in life (remember the Fast Show - with that character Johnny who if he heard the word black would run off repeating it then go into a mad fit? - my H could seem like that at times)

so - maybe some empathy with him will help - it seems like the DB advice of "be less availabe" isn't working here. Remember "do what works". But also - he is angry, if you get angry too (or seem like you are) then this will add fuel to a fire.

OK - maybe if you asked him to state out clearly to you what he wants? He needs to be very specific and that is hard for people to do. He does need a reply to this, some useful phrases I can think of are "this is a difficult situation for both of us", "it's not my intention to hurt you", "I'm sorry for my part in creating this situation", "I do not want to argue with you", "let's take things very slow and easy for both of us as we are both hurting".

If you can form an approach to him where you approach him as part of the solution, not as the problem, this may help. With a kind of "what do you want, tell me and I'll do all I can to accommodate that". if he continues to be angry you can always state calmly that you don't want to argue and maybe the conversation should take place when things are less heated? (ie, a polite way of saying to him "I'm not going to put up with you having a go at me, p*** off until you've calmed down, THEN I'll talk)

I hope others will chime in here too - in my sitch my H rarely got angry with me, so i may not have the best advice here.