Well, it is late at night, and as promised, I will try to fill in some history, mixed in with the present....
Starting with the present.
I think the quickest description of my situation is that I have a live-in WAW. For at least the past six months she's been sleeping outside of 'our' bedroom, first on the sofa, and then in the guest room, which is now often referred to as her room. The 'reason' for her sleeping out of the bedroom was that she was taking classes (she finished a 14 month accelerated nursing program this summer) and would study later and get up earlier than I would. And then, the mattress in our room hurts her back. It is ancient, but she wont allow it to be replaced until there is no credit card debt at all. There's not a huge amount, but that will take a while. It's all just excuses, anyway, fixing one would just create another, I am pretty sure. Anyway, for the 18 months before she left the room there was no touching allowed, and no sex for a year before that. For those who are counting, it will be three years in less than two weeks. What's worse is we went from mid '97, while she was pregnant with S9 until the fall of 2000 without, though during that time hugs and kisses were not totally out. So, that's two three year stretches in 10 years. Putting it on 'paper', I must say, it looks bad!
Obviously, the next question is why? That's a difficult one, that probably has many answers. One is that she now ways she never liked sex. Could this be true? Maybe. I know that it was always, or at east almost always, something do be done quickly, which seems to go against the norm, whatever that is. And, I can't count how many times it was rejected, even when other parts of the marriage were better. Before we were married, and far at least a while afterwards, it didn't seem to be a problem. So, draw any conclusion you can, and it might be right. Also, I think that she has a resentment bank. The problem with it is that I think she makes deposit, but I don't believe that she has ever made a withdrawal. She still brings up things I did wrong in the first months of our marriage, or one anyway. It wasn't, or didn't seem like a big deal (it dealt with not doing stuff to set up our apartment when I got home before she did, and there was obviously lot to do), but it left a permanent mark. She also doesn't think I supported her enough, in almost anything she's done, from hobbies, to classes, to child discipline, or anything else. More resentment. And, she seems to hold a lot of resentment toward men in general, and being one, I am good target. She will still often bring up her high school 'friends' telling her she shouldn't go to college because no man will want her, and somehow that's my fault. She did go to college though, so the friends were wrong! But that was a symptom of the male dominated society, and as a male, I benefit from it, and it is my fault, I guess. The worst part of that is that I think I am pretty much on the other side of the issue, but it doesn't seem to matter.
Clearly that's just the tip of the iceberg, but I am running out of gas. The quick summary is that I haven't been on the receiving end of a hug or a kiss for two years, unless you count the kids, I am not allowed to say I loved you without getting a killing look, and a lot of days I don't know why I'm here. I do sometimes give pecks on the cheek. A few weeks ago, I tried to not let her turn away, and was nearly accused of rape. I had tried to make her do something against her will, and if I would do that, what else would I do? Oh, and it come up in that discussion, she does say she doesn't like sex. But, she seems absolutely uninterested in trying to do anything about is. It will either be she can't because of classes, the new job, or fill in the blank. In one of those conversations she said something about why I wasn't looking elsewhere. I don't remember her exact statement, but I know my response was that it is not going to happen.
All of this has made it really hard for me to really even be motivated to do things that will make her 'happy', as even when I do, her interest in anything that might make me happy, that involves her, is zero.
To answer the obvious question, there is absolutely no sign of an affair, I know where she is almost all the time, and she is always on time, and always reachable. So, I do not really think there is a remote possibility.
So now perhaps I'm done. I think I have a hardcore, completely walled off, close to man hating, WAW. Any ideas?
